Breakups can be heart-breaking. They can drain one emotionally and bring about painful moments with loads of questioning. Being single after being in a relationship can bring on a wallowing spell if not treated right. As you miss your ex, feelings of self-doubt surface, and whether you wielded the axe or came under it, a breakup can be difficult for everyone.
So while you want to scream and bash your ex, you also need to realise that this may be the best thing that happened to you and you need to get past it. Though easier said than done, there are things that you should never do after breaking up with someone, and while some may seem obvious to you, they are also the ones that top the charts. Here is a list of 12 things that you should never do after a breakup. You are wondering, what is the best way to act after a breakup?
12 things never to do after a breakup
After breaking up with someone, some things are obviously off the list- like loathing in self-pity and being depressed about it or trying to harm yourself because you feel all is lost. But the fact is after a breakup one feels lost and knows that he or she is alone. The feeling of losing on someone, for whatever reasons stays heavy on the heart compelling us to do things we would normally avoid. Here is a quick rundown-
1. Don’t rush yourself
Don’t try to get a new partner within days of breaking up with your ex. It is also unwise to rush yourself into feeling cheerful and act like nothing has happened. Breakups are bound to hurt, so give yourself enough time to get over the pain and depression. It’s not brave to deny your emotions just to show everyone how ‘cool’ you are. Instead of getting into new relationships, try out things that you haven’t had the time for before and grow yourself as a person.
Related reading: How soon can you start dating again after a break up?
2. Don’t badmouth your ex
Spreading malicious gossip about your ex is not the best way to get over a breakup. You can tell your close friends how much he/she has hurt you. But telling lies to paint him/her in a bad light to unknown or half-known people is a strict no-no. It might make you feel better temporarily. But once your lies are discovered, it will harm your own reputation.
3. Don’t spill secrets
You had come to know your ex intimately. You know their deepest secrets. Don’t start spilling those intimate details to all and sundry when the relationship ends. Remember, they shared their innermost details with you out of a sense of trust. Don’t betray that trust.
4. Drunken texting
You have had a few drinks and your mind keeps going back to the great times you spent with your ex. You are wondering, does he miss me after the breakup? Don’t transfer those thoughts to a text. Alcohol affects the normal functioning of the mind. Decisions taken under the influence are mostly decisions you will regret once sober.
Your ex messed up your life by breaking up. You want to get back at him/her for the pain they caused you. You can curse him/her all you want in your mind, but don’t act on those thoughts. Instead of stooping to petty revenge, be the better person and let go gracefully.
6. Don’t chase your ex
Many people cannot accept that they have been rejected. They keep wondering, how to get him back after a breakup? There is really no way to do so, if your ex is firm in their decision. Never chase them after a breakup, because it will lead to loss of self-respect and create a bitter situation. Stalking your ex will also make it difficult for you to move on.
Related reading: He broke up with me when it came to marriage
7. Don’t play the blame game
Refrain from blaming and keep yourself neutral. Whatever the situation that may have led to the breakup, remember not to go into the never-ending who-did-what-game. It will only make you suffer more and make the breakup a lot more difficult. Instead, understand that you two saw things too differently to be together.
8. Don’t dramatise the break-up
So telling everyone that you are alone and will die like that is not going to get you any favourable results Dramatising the whole situation by telling everyone that your life is over and there is nothing to look forward to in the future will only make the breakup hurt more. Yes, you are disappointed and probably alone at the moment, but you are not going to die with 10 cats in a huge house – so find something to do with your life.
9. Don’t self-loathe
Don’t set on a journey of self-loathing and concluding that you were just not good enough. Negative feelings that you foster for yourself will only make it more difficult for you to find a better, fulfilling relationship in your future. Let go of what happened, don’t live in the past and do not second-guess your decision.
10. Don’t isolate yourself
While a little alone time after a breakup helps one reflect and introspect, isolation can be a sign of depression. That does not mean you hit the sack with the next guy who buys you a drink, but it will help to be around people who make you feel loved and can offer you support. Friends and family are our immediate support systems, and spending time with them will help you heal.
11. Don’t repeat your mistakes
As you reflect on the relationship and identify your mistakes, make sure that you take steps not to repeat them again. Let your split be a learning lesson for you, and when you are ready to date again, avoid repeating the same mistakes over again.
12. Don’t reconnect with other exes
It is natural to look for comfort and assurances, but re-connecting with your exes can be pretty selfish. Old flames can ignite any time and if your ex has moved on or you do not want to take it forward, it is not right to simply seek words of temporary comfort. You may end up complicating your life, and regret this step later.
Breakups can be hurting and difficult, but sometimes they are also the best things that happen. Stay focused on the present, look forward to a future and channelise your energies into living a healthy, happy life. And what can be a better revenge than living well?