Relationships 101

12 things to remember when dating a divorced dad

His kids are not the only ones calling him 'Daddy'.
divorced dad

A divorced man with a kid or two starting to date again seems normal. But for a woman, he is not just a divorced guy. For her, a divorced dad is a wounded knight, charmingly attractive with the way he cares for his kids and she imagines herself to be the one to relieve his pain and complete his family again. Women dig them and try to attract divorced men. Well, why wouldn’t they? Divorced dads are well settled, mature, patient, value relationships and, more importantly, are great with kids. They are like the ideal package deal every woman wants. They have an attractive aura that drives women towards them like magnets.

But beware! Divorced daddy town is also another name for Complicated Town. Things can get complicated and you can get entangled in your own fantasy. Make sure you are up for the trip before you date a daddy.

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Dating a single dad problems

Women like single dads because they are men of character. A relationship with them isn’t like one of those high-school hook-ups; it is a more mature one. But with mature relationships come responsibilities and understanding. A single dad already has a lot on his plate and you might not know how to clean it up. If you are dating a single dad, you may face or might already have faced these problems:

  1. You are not in a relationship. You are in a mini marriage. It’s just a while before his son or daughter start calling you ‘Mommy’
  2. The relationship will never be about just the two of you. His family, his kids and his ex wife will always be a part of it and at times things will get complicated with them. You will always have to deal with his equation with his ex-wife
  3. Being a single parent, the responsibilities of both parents will be on him. You will always keep telling him that “you have no time for me”, but what else can you expect from a single dad?
  4. His child will always be his first priority. Nothing is going to change that, ever. Don’t even think about it
  5. You will be in a relationship with his child too. If things turn ugly, that child will have to see his parents divorce all over again

In addition, both of you will have totally different schedules. You will practically be playing ‘house’ with your partner and most of your dates won’t be past his kid’s bedtime. You will be totally out of your comfort zone in this relationship and thus there are many things that you will have to keep in mind while dating him.

12 tips to follow when dating a divorced dad

Though dating a single man is no piece of cake, having someone like him in your life still gives you a sense of stability and unexpected comfort. Divorced men have already gone through a marriage and they know the dos and don’ts of a relationship. They understand women and will not want to screw up this time. For you too, this will be a totally new zone and there are many things you will want to work on so that this doesn’t end up being a wreck.

Here are 12 tips to remember while dating a divorced dad:

1. Build a strong foundation

It is important to build a foundation and have a bond that is beyond physical romance. Building a strong foundation will lead to a greater understanding and sense of trust in your partner. After a divorce, letting someone into his life as a serious part of it will be difficult for him and thus creating a bond will help him with the transition.

2. Deal with maturity

Maturity and understanding are the pillars of an adult relationship. If things go south, it is important to talk about it face to face and come to a conclusion together. Fighting and shouting isn’t going to solve anything. Instead of thinking about who is right, think about what can be done to make it right.

couple-fighting
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3. You will need to understand that he will not have time

Playing the role of both parents will make him hard on time. He will not have time to go out with you and many times he will also cancel on you because something will keep coming up. You will have to be patient and accept the fact that he will not be able to give you the time you need. There could be times when you will go weeks without talking to him and you’ve got to be okay with that.

4. Give him the support he needs

Being a divorced dad is more difficult for men, because the mothers usually do most of the work. From cooking meals to attending school programmes, it is going to be hectic and he is still adjusting to all these changes. Show him your support by telling him how great a job he is doing. Help him out with some of his chores (only if he is okay with it) and give him the emotional and mental support he needs.

5. Don’t rush it

He has just come out of a failed marriage or has prepared himself to move on from it. By rushing it you will only make him take a U turn and think of it as a mistake. If he needs time, give it to him. Go with him at his pace. Don’t keep asking about his ex or his family. He will himself tell you about it when he feels that it’s the right time.

6. Communication is the key

For such a relationship, it is important to talk about your relationship. You should know where you stand in his life and what role you play in it. If you have already met the kid/kids then you should know what role you will be playing in their lives and ask him about your duties and responsibilities towards them. Being a part of your boyfriend’s family is huge and thus you both need to be on the same page when it comes to them.

couple talking

7. Don’t miss out on romance

Given the fact that he will have a tight schedule, make sure that you both don’t lose the spark in your relationship. Ensure that the romance is always heating between the two. After all, ‘Daddy’ deserves to blow off some sexual steam too.

8. Be patient with him and his kids

You need to be the understanding one in this relationship. You will have to be patient when it comes to his feeling about this relationship or his previous marriage. You will patiently have to help him with getting over it.

It is going to be difficult but there is nothing time can’t heal.

9. Build a bond with his kid

When your boyfriend realises that it is serious and finally decides to introduce you to his kids, you will need to be friends with them and build a bond with them. You are in a relationship with him and his kids. Make sure that the kids like you. Take them out to watch their favourite movie or take them to their favourite park. Initially, you might find some resistance, but sooner or later they will come around.

10. Know all you need to about the kids

There will be times when you will have to pick up the kids from school or babysit them for some time. Make sure you have all the necessary addresses and contact numbers. Ask your boyfriend about their likes, dislikes and medical conditions. Single dads are very possessive about their kids and therefore even a slight mistake with regard to them could cause trouble.

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11. Get acquainted with the ex

Like it or not, sooner or later you will need to meet the ex. The ex will want to meet you to make sure that her children are in good hands. This doesn’t mean that you are heading for marriage and taking her place, it is just a casual chat so that you two know each other better. Getting the ex to like you is a green pass of no complications from her side.

12. Make sure the kids don’t suffer

Children are hungry for love and when there is someone to give it to them, they easily get attached to them. If things don’t work out between your boyfriend and you, the kids could suffer and it could affect them mentally. Make sure that you meet the kids only when things are heading towards something serious or else do not get attached to them.

Women like older men because they give them a sense of security and stability. Unfortunately, most of these men fall in the ‘divorced’ category, but it usually adds to their attraction. Women find divorced men more mature and understanding. They can count on these men for no drama and thus these women find a match in such men. While dating a single dad is a great fantasy, it can turn out to be a heart-breaking nightmare. There will always be this insecurity of your relationship also turning out to be a failed marriage and you will doubt his ability to be a good partner. Having said that, if it didn’t work out with his ex, doesn’t mean that it will not work out with you. If you find the qualities of your ideal partner in him, then don’t let the ‘what ifs’ ruin it. Give it a go with the help of these tips.

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