You’ve seen your man take command and be the leader in multiple situations. You know he has ambition and the know-how to get there. He knows what he wants and always gets the job done. Things just flow so efficiently when he’s around, right? He shows all the qualities of the so-called alpha male, but you’ve also seen him spend all his free time alone, something he genuinely enjoys doing. Could you be dating a sigma male, one of the most popular male personality types?
Think James Bond, Steve Jobs, Keanu Reeves. In these made up categories of manhood, sigma men don’t need social validation from anyone and don’t abide by social hierarchy and societal norms. Before you think you’re dating a John Wick type, you need to figure out if he actually might be one. And we’ve got you covered.
Let’s unravel every layer of mystery that surrounds the sigma man and see if this classification of male personalities holds merit in the hope to understand them better. God knows you could use that, considering how difficult it is to shop for this fabled character.
The Socio-Sexual Hierarchy By Theodore Robert Beale
Table of Contents
Who doesn’t love being defined and limited by their gender and its subcategories? Theodore Robert Beale and his millions of right-wing social media and real life fans, that’s who. Created in order to bring even more role divisions and insecurities into traditional masculinity, the socio-sexual hierarchy by Beale reeks of pseudoscience at its best and toxic masculinity at its worst.
The unsuspecting Greek alphabet has been used to create distinctions in male social status based on power, money, dominance, and sexual prowess. This is the hierarchy of types of male personalities: Alphas, Betas, Deltas, Gammas, and lastly, Omegas. Sigmas are shown to exist outside the social structure denoting their need for independence and disregard for social norms.
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This system of archetypes is often used by pick-up artists to explain to men how to get dates according to their specific personality traits. Being an alpha wolf is encouraged and looking up to alpha men even more so. However, the thing is, wolves don’t have alpha males (or females). Their tiny wolf pack consists of parents and offspring.
The hierarchies that David Mech talked about in his long-debunked alpha wolf packs theory don’t actually exist in the wild … or in humans. Mech has spent considerable time trying to undo his mistake but the theory took cultural root in packs of men who were enamored by the power of the alpha male and wanted to distance themselves from men who they didn’t find alpha or sigma enough.
Beale’s theory further contributes to reducing masculinity and its nuances to caricatures of men who are respected only if they earn money, social status, and sex. It glorifies sexism, machismo, aggression, and capitalistic productivity and definitions of success. The LGBTQIA+ community has no space in this imagined hierarchy, of course, and all the men, according to Beale, must be alpha males and bed women to prove their worth.
What Is A Sigma Male?
So, let’s talk about one of the shallow productions of Beale’s mind: the sigma men. What’s the sigma male meaning, you ask? With their sharp mind and attention to detail, these men are not frivolous nor do they go about life with a pep in their step. They like a quiet environment. Their personality may not seem all too loud or charismatic from far away. But the moment you get closer, you see that he has a lot going for himself and has a lot of qualities of a good man.
He steps in, leads, gets the job done, and goes on his way, to live life his way. You won’t find him partying with his friends or drunk calling everyone on his contact list. He’d rather stay alone, introspect, and get to know himself better. Independence and grindset mentality are two of the biggest personality traits that define a sigma male mindset. Many young boys, impressed by this archetype, search desperately for how to be a sigma male.
Sigma male vs alpha male
Ah, the old alpha-sigma debate. ‘Sigma male’ meaning, when simply put, is that they’re like introverted alpha males. One of the sigma male traits is that he doesn’t need constant external validation and does not boast about his triumphs like alphas might. While alpha males want to establish themselves as the leader of the pack, sigma men will operate much more subtly, while still being the born leaders they’re.
They are pioneers and rebel against social norms. They don’t need to boast about their capabilities like alpha males. They stay quiet but make their presence felt. But just because they’re coy, does not mean that they don’t know how to attack. Here is a little table describing social interaction patterns of the fictional sigma vs alpha personality type.
|Tries to dominate people by intimidation
|Dominates people subtly without using force
|Top of social hierarchy
|Not involved in the social hierarchy
|Outgoing and loud
|Enjoys alone time a lot
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Key Sigma Male Personality Traits
The sigma male personality is one of the most longed-for ‘ranking’ in the mythical social hierarchy of men’s world. To understand why that is, let’s go over some key sigma male traits:
- He is resourceful, skilled, clever, keeps his nose to the grindstone, and knows how to get things done quickly
- A sigma man is not fond of commitment or anything that ties him down to one place
- He is independent and doesn’t like to work for anyone else
- He values his personal space and growth more than anything in the world, this is why he has a huge career and financial success
- He is ambitious but he’s not loud about it; sigma males tend to work quietly
- High on emotional intelligence, he never looks for social validation like alphas, he forms his own opinions regarding most matters even if they go against conventions
- A born leader, a sigma man doesn’t ever crave leadership roles but he often finds himself in superior positions because of his work ethic, know-how, and powerful persona
- He treats everyone equally and, thus, is liked by everyone even though he stays aloof
- People are drawn to him even though they don’t prefer attention. Such is their charisma apparently
- A lone wolf, he works the best when he’s alone
- He is thought to be lonely but he is not, he just prefers his own company
- Because he needs healthy boundaries in his relationships and life, he respects other people’s boundaries as well
- He is self sufficient and doesn’t like to rely even on his friends
- He stays calm, collected, and is the person you go to when things start to fall apart
- He cuts to the chase and has no time or inclination for mind games. Drama is not his forte
- He chooses his words carefully and whatever he says, carries weight
- According to Beale, he chooses to stay out of the socio-sexual hierarchy and lives by his own sigma male rules
- This makes him mysterious, rebellious, anarchic, and of course, as everything comes back to dating, all of these sigma male traits make him irresistible to women
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So, you think the man you’re dating or crushing hard on has some of these traits? But still not sure whether he is a sigma man or not? This sigma male test might help.
- Is he intelligent?
- Does he identify as an introvert?
- Is he an overthinker?
- Do people find him mysterious?
- Does he prefer his personal space and enjoy being a lone wolf?
- Can he remain calm under stressful situations?
- Is he self-reliant?
- Does he rebel against the moral standards of society?
- Is he confident?
If your answer is yes to most of these questions of the sigma male test, then your man is indeed a sigma wolf.
Weaknesses of a sigma male
While a sigma male may sound almost too good to be true, this personality type is not without its share of weaknesses and flaws. Beale has made sure that even if his male archetypes are not real, at least no one can say that they don’t sound realistic. So here are a few weaknesses in a sigma male personality:
- Sigma men could be bad at romance: It’s no surprise that with the typical grindset that marks the sigma male mindset, they are always in the midst of increasing their finances and skill sets. Either they want to marry you right away or they never feel ready to ‘settle down’. Because their alone time is precious to them, dating a sigma male is hard. That’s why a sigma male in relationships is better suited to women who understand their priorities well
- They are not great at socialization: Sigma male lifestyle is such that they are out of practice when it comes to basic social interactions and building connections. So they are usually awkward and silent in a group, preferring to listen. This can come across as cold to the people who wish to misunderstand their personality type
- Sigma male personality is emotionally unavailable: This makes it difficult for them to date or make new friends, or even sustain the existing relationships. This also creates conflicts because they are not open about how they feel and often fumble in situations that require them to be vulnerable with a woman
- They are risk-takers: Though this can also be a strength, taking risks needs a balanced approach. Since these types of independent thinkers have no regard for authority and societal norms, they often end up worrying the ones close to them while also getting in trouble themselves
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Why Are Women Attracted To A Sigma Male?
There are no two opinions in the Beale-led men’s world that sigmas are a rare personality type, and that the sigma wolf is very attractive. There is something very mysterious and badass about these dominant introverts. Like a calm sea, there is not much turbulence on the surface, but their waters run deep. He will not preen around strutting his stuff. But he will get the work done without you getting a hint of it. He knows what he wants and he knows how to get it. And this heady mix of mystery and strength is considered hard to resist for a woman.
Even though he is a dominant introvert, he has no wish to control you. The ultimate sigma test is gauging his jealousy. A true sigma is not going to get jealous because you talked to an ex. He will be protective of you, but not possessive. Sigma male lifestyle is such that he respects his freedom and he will respect yours too. In a romantic relationship, he doesn’t need to be assured of your feelings for him. He knows it and he appreciates it (even though he will never tell you).
Most of all, he will treat you as an equal, and respect your thoughts, opinions, and individuality. This is what women want in a relationship. To be loved and be respected and a sigma lone wolf gives her that aplenty. Below are examples of some famous sigma personalities.
Real-life famous male personalities that belong to the sigma world:
- James Dean
- Jimi Hendrix
- Bob Dylan
- Bruce Lee
- Keanu Reeves
- Quentin Tarantino
Fictional sigma male personalities:
- John Snow
- John Wick
- Bruce Wayne (Batman)
- Tyrion Lannister
- James Bond
Need I say more?
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How Do You Know You’re Dating A Sigma Male?
It can be hard to tell if your partner has a sigma male personality. Hell, he might not even know it himself. There are still some tell-tale signs that prove that you’re, in fact, dating a sigma male. If the following sigma male traits apply to your man, it is generally believed that you have yourself a keeper:
1. He finds solace in solitude
Don’t take his alone time personally in your relationship. “Solace” here implies that when he has company, he goes through some form of distress, only to find peace when he’s by himself. The line “sigma men are loners” might ring true for most people, especially an alpha, peering into their life from an outside perspective (and also being extremely confused by the sigma’s life).
One of the sigma male characteristics is that he doesn’t need an audience to feel validated when he does something charitable or he is often found happily single instead of searching bars for a date. He prefers to work alone, following his own set of rules, and is happy to be in his own company too. If given a choice between attending a party or staying in with you, 100% of the time he will choose the latter. This sigma wolf loves his personal space.
2. He is not the jealous type
Dealing with a jealous boyfriend can be hard. The insecurities they project through their jealousy can be unappealing and quite frankly, distressing too. And why are sigma males attractive? Because you’d never noticed this behavior in your emotionally intelligent man. This might be the main sigma male vs alpha male difference too. An alpha can get angered or triggered quickly. But the former can take a step back and think more rationally.
By sigma male definition, you won’t see him question your trust or be jealous about the company you keep. That’s because a sigma male personality has faith in his decision-making and the kind of woman he picks in romantic relationships. He trusts her judgment and knows she’ll never betray him. Since these men need space in a relationship, they give the same space to their partners as well.
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3. He wants something serious from the get-go
That’s the common sigma male mindset. Your partner didn’t approach you on Tinder or any other dating app, asking if you’d be “down for something casual”. They prefer stable, lasting, and trustful relationships instead of hookups. If you’re dating a sigma male, in all likelihood, he told you that he’s looking for something serious. So, even though sigma men might find romance tricky, they do want consistency and intimacy.
If you really want to make a sigma male fall in love with you, take this seriously because he’s not joking around. They’re not looking for sexual flings they can boast about later. On the contrary, they respect women and often do their best to appear as gentlemanly as possible. They value a good relationship and want to date an independent woman. If they don’t find someone on their wavelength, they are also okay with waiting for the right person to come along.
4. Socializing is not his forte
The sigma wolf, meaning someone who spends all his time alone. All that alone time results in them not having the best social skills. If, at a party, you leave him with someone he doesn’t know, chances are you’ll come back to him standing alone, having driven away any company. He has a few selected close friends, but that’s as much socializing as he is capable of.
Sigmas could use a lesson or two in rubbing elbows with anyone. The reason that they don’t abide by the prevalent social structures is that they can’t make small talk at all. So if you’re taking him to meet your parents, make sure you do the talking.
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5. A sigma male is very self-aware
The typical sigma male characteristics are that he’s self-assured, self-confident, and knows himself very well. It’s hard to see how he wouldn’t, seeing how he spends most of his time by himself (a little personal space never hurt anybody). He has a set routine he likes to follow, be it for recreational activities or for his career.
These men think about every possible scenario and how to deal with it. When things go wrong, you won’t find them saying, “I told you so”, instead you’ll find them immediately thinking of a solution. This would be helpful in the conflicts you face in your relationship.
6. He might have little regard for the laws of the land
Since he lives his life by his own rules, you might catch him disliking some of the rules society has accepted over the years. No, he’s not going to rob a bank, but you might have seen him jumping a few red lights. So if you’re a rule-follower, then being in a relationship with a sigma male might prove a tad challenging for you.
It doesn’t even necessarily stem from a rebellious attitude, just a strong sense of pride that he will always hold on to. This troublemaking behavior may make sigma males attractive to females but also proves that he often thinks he’s Mr. Know-It-All.
7. He makes his presence felt
What makes a sigma male attractive? His inherent ability to own any room he walks into. Be it at work or a social gathering, he doesn’t have to do much to make his presence felt. Staying true to himself, he won’t talk much or attract any attention. But people undoubtedly value his input and look for his guidance whenever required, as he’s usually a very reliable man.
One of the sigma male traits is that they’re natural leaders. They make sure everything is running at optimum capacity without ever misusing the power they have as a leader. Since they are magnets to all kinds of people, try not to be insecure when your boo is surrounded by other women who’re vying for his attention.
8. He doesn’t like taking orders
Be it from a superior, or just about anyone. These men think they know how to go about their business best. You can say goodbye to the instructions that came with whatever it is you just bought, he’s never looking at them. Due to not liking it when they’re told what to do, they prefer being self-employed.
The ‘lone wolf’ title they’re given stems from their yearning to work alone. The need to be their own boss and having ambition is also one of the reasons why they are so attractive. So to make a sigma male fall in love, do not boss him around, ever. That is only going to drive him away from you. If this results in him not taking the trash out when you tell him to, tackle the situation tactfully so that he realizes he’s not helping with the household chores and corrects the course.
9. He isn’t one for speeches
Meaning, he gets straight to the point. If you’re in conversation with him, you’ll notice every word out of his mouth holds importance and meaning. He doesn’t beat around the bush. He can make communication in your relationship a little easier since he won’t drop the passive-aggressive hints others might opt for. Instead, he’ll tell you straight to your face what it is that’s bothering him.
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10. He is hard to understand
When you were just getting to know him, it might have seemed like he wasn’t really interested in you because of his unwillingness to be open with you. Maybe you were confused about what he wants from you. Sigma men have a shroud of mystery around them, rarely ever letting people take a glimpse into their life.
It’s because of this reason that they are loners too but on the plus side (for them), this can also be what makes sigma males attractive. Women often feel attracted to someone with an air of mystery and this guy can be just that. It’s hard to read him so you will have to labor a lot to understand what is brewing in his mind.
11. Everyone’s equal for a sigma male
There are no prejudices in his mind about the people he interacts with. He doesn’t care if he’s speaking with the CEO or the intern. He’s going to be his same, non-small-talk self. He believes in having healthy power dynamics. In his eyes, everyone is equal. While others may conform to pandering to their seniors at work, he will have zero ulterior motives while talking to someone. When he does talk to someone that is.
5 Tips On Dating A Sigma Male
The personality of the lone wolf is said to be very attractive. And going by how his character traits, it’s not hard to see what makes a sigma male attractive. So, no one is going to blame you if you fall for one. That being said, a relationship with him isn’t going to be free of its share of challenges. There are some things that you need to keep in mind when dating a sigma male.
1. Give him space
What type of a woman is sigma male attracted to? One who understands his boundaries and need for space. Your sigma man is a lone wolf and he hates his personal space being invaded. So, if you have an insecure style attachment, then you will need to work on your insecurities. Your man is like sand, the tighter you try to hold on to him, the more he tends to slip away.
Related Reading: How To Nurture Space In A Relationship
2. Be independent
Your guy is very self-sufficient, and he expects the same from his woman. A woman who knows her mind and is not scared to voice her opinion, who also knows how to take care of herself, is very attractive to him. He wants a woman who would be his equal. No high maintenance girl for this guy.
3.Don’t play mind games
He is smart and quick on his feet and likes a woman who is smart as well. He doesn’t have time for mind games. The lone wolf is honest about his feelings. When he tells you he loves you, he means it. He wants his woman to treat him the same. If you think you can manipulate him by playing hot and cold, then think again. He will drop you like a hot potato and never look back.
4. Take an interest in his big plans
Sigmas love to plan BIG for the future. They are constantly on the roll and have ten projects and financial schemes in the air simultaneously. Your partner would feel truly supported if you take an interest in all that he does, in his ambitions, and in the new skills that he keeps acquiring.
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5. Don’t force him to socialize
Yes, you’re dating an introvert and introverts are wonderful. So, what type of a woman is sigma male attracted to? The one who accepts him the way he is. Don’t insist on taking him to a party or a family gathering when he would rather be on his computer or with a book in his hand.
- Sigma men are one of the types of males in the socio-sexual hierarchy created by far-right activist Theodore Robert Beale, a.k.a., Vox Day
- These men are like alphas, except introverted and calm
- They are lone wolves and self-sufficient, and don’t need anyone help
- They are smart but don’t like playing mind games
- Take the sigma test to find out if you have a sigma male personality type
Do you identify with these signs and spot more than a few in your partner? Congratulations, you’ve got yourself a keeper. Beale would be proud.
They look for women who are strong and highly independent, much like themselves. They’re not looking for a damsel in distress, so they can swoop in and solve all her problems. They look for someone who doesn’t need anyone to fix her problems for her and doesn’t run away from any complications.
“Why are sigma males attractive” can be answered by looking at the sigma male personality traits. They have a sense of responsibility instilled in them. They tend to be financially stable. They have ambition and are extremely self-aware, hence they know what it’s going to take for them to achieve their goals. A sigma man appears mysterious and confident, and for these reasons, he is extremely attractive to women.
Yes, they fall in love, and much like everything they do, they jump in with both feet. When they look for their ideal match, they want someone who matches traits of a sigma, someone who’s independent, strong and confident, and who will make their feelings known. They don’t look for casual flings and instead look to build a strong bond.
If he opens up to you, it means he trusts you and has decided he wants you to be a part of his life. In a relationship, they love intensely. But they still need their own space to breathe and grow.