What to do when I am in the mood for sex and he is not

Spice It Up | |
Updated On: September 2, 2023

Men, despite their reputation, are not sex-deprived animals who pounce at every opportunity to make love. Sometimes he’s not in the mood to get it on, and it is not because he does not find you attractive anymore! This is when you should refrain from throwing a hissy fit. But what if you are in the mood? You want to have hot primal sex on the kitchen table right now and he just placed a lukewarm kiss on your forehead and went back to his book! This can be very frustrating. So what should you do to get your husband in the mood?

How To Get Your Husband In The Mood

It can be a real bummer when you’re in the mood for sex and intense lovemaking but your partner isn’t. While you should be respectful of their feelings, in some cases, it might be possible to get your husband in the mood. If you’re wondering how to get your partner in the mood or how to turn on your husband’s mood, these tips should guide you:

1. Set the mood

What to do when I am in the mood for sex and he is not
Set the mood

There are chances that your husband has come back from work tired or has had a long day. In such a case you can help him unwind and relax by setting the mood. Maybe prepare his favourite meal and set the table for a candlelight dinner. Once your husband is well fed and relaxed, he will be more open towards lovemaking too. If you set the mood for him and then make a move on him, chances are, he will reciprocate.

2. Surprise him with sexy lingerie

Sexy lingerie can work miracles. More than your partner, it makes you feel sexy and confident and hence makes you super attractive to your husband too. This is sure to get your husband in the mood for sex. If there’s a new pair of lingerie lying away in your wardrobe just waiting to be used, now is the time to take it out.

Related reading: 8 Reasons Why You Should Wear Lingerie For Yourself First

3. Give him a relaxing massage

This is one of the best ways to get your partner in the mood. Get some essential oils and candles ready and give your husband a relaxing massage. You moving your hands across his body will not only relax him but also arouse him. Once he lets go of all the stress and tension in his muscles, he will be able to unwind. Plus, a massage allows you to manoeuvre through the areas that turn him on as well.

4. Watch something erotic to get your husband in the mood

If you want to get your husband in the mood, what better way to do this by watching something erotic together? There are a wide variety of videos online that you can watch together as a couple to get your libido going.

5. Roleplay/ Play dress up

Roleplay/ Play dress up
Roleplay/ Play dress up

Roleplaying is one of the most popular forms of foreplay because it works so well! If you’re married you’re probably already aware of your husband’s fantasies. You can dress up accordingly. This can even mean dressing up as his favourite fictional character! Make the roleplay fun, sexy and exciting and it’s sure to get your husband in the mood.

6. Talk to him and remind him of the good times

Another way to get your husband in the mood can be by talking to him about your former shared sexual experiences. Bring up an old intense lovemaking session that you both shared in the past. Talk about it with him in detail and it might just turn him on. Reminding him of the amazing sexual experiences you have shared together can totally do the trick!

7. Turn him on with your body

Turn him on with your body
Turn him on with your body

He’s your husband and he loves you and is obviously very attracted to you and your body. You can use this to your advantage. Surprise him by orchestrating a mini strip show just for him. Or even just by being naked when he walks into the room. He has a weakness for your body and this is bound to get your partner in the mood.

8. Talk to him about it

Sometimes, a simple thing like just talking to your husband about wanting sex can get him going. As humans, we have a tendency to overthink things and make mountains out of molehills. Try being honest and telling your husband that you’re in the mood for sex and wait for his reaction. Even if he’s not immediately in the mood, he can unwind and then get ready for some lovemaking.

However, if you straight up ask your partner, you must be ready for his answer. There is a possibility that he might not actually be in the mood and if this is the case then you must respect his feelings 100%

Respect his feelings

We completely understand that you had plans for the night and he just dumped cold water on your excitement. But you must understand that the tables could be turned. Would you rather have him try to convince you to have sex when you are not in a mood?

Respect his feelings
Respect his feelings

That, on the other hand, might look like you are only worth the physical attraction. So instead of reacting to his refusal by feeling hurt and insulted, respect his feelings and keep your desire unsated for a little longer. Do not guilt him into owing you sex every time you are in the mood. Remember to place yourself in his shoes and question if you would feel comfortable to be treated in a certain way.

Quality time

The routine life of work, daily chores and frequent sessions of lovemaking have been given a chance to break into something different. Take it up and suggest a long night drive and have lassi at the Dhaba you both used to frequent when you had started dating, or maybe challenge him to a game of FIFA. Bake a cake together or just ask him what he wants to do together. We often forget these small fun activities can be more emotionally intimate than a hot round of sex. Let go of your hurt ego that could not take the refusal easily and spend some quality time with your husband. Would you not have felt special if after your refusal to have sex your husband smiles and says “Okay! Let’s do something else then, I want to spend time with you”?

Related reading: 7 Non-Sexual Couple Things To Do Over A Weekend

Is everything okay?

With your respective lives swept up in work, duties and responsibilities, you do not have the time to pay attention to the details. He is not in a mood, and it is a frequent occurrence. Recognise this is some stress or problem that is keeping him away from you. Have a talk with him, ask him about his work, if something, in particular, is bothering him especially. Even if you are both facing relationship issues remember, sometimes help is only a click away.

A lot of symptoms of disturbed emotional health go unnoticed, as we assume that it is something that we have done that is distancing them from us. It could even be a physical problem that he has been feeling uncomfortable to share with you. Whatever may be the case, take this opportunity to have a discussion with him and find out if there is a problem that should concern you. If cheating is a fear that is lingering in your mind, give your intelligence some credit because you will easily pick hints from this discussion itself. So do not jump to conclusions, rather give him room to express himself. It might just turn into one of those memorable nights where you open up to each other even more and strengthen your connection.

It should also be noted here that it is okay for you to not be 100% dependant on your husband and spouse to fulfil your sexual needs. You can take care of your needs by pleasuring yourself too. This is guaranteed to satisfy you in the moment and also rid your partner of the pressure of sexually pleasing you all the time. Not only this, but it will also help you discover new things about your own body and even improve your sexual experiences with your partner!

In the end, know that sex does not validate the love you both share. It is a physical communication that one or the other might not feel inclined to indulge in at a given point of time. It is not a bigger deal than not feeling like talking and just sharing a comfortable silence. Overreaction is not going to help your relationship. Rather, mature understanding is a commendable response.

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