What To Do When He Pulls Away – The 8-Step Perfect Strategy

Single and Dating | | , Expert Blogger
Updated On: March 18, 2024
When he pulls away after exclusively dating
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You met a nice man. Took some time to get to know him. Went on several dates before falling in love with him. You thought he was equally into you as well. But now he’s acting strange and distant and you don’t know what to do. If your man acts this way, should you learn how to turn the tables when he pulls away? Is he making you chase him? Or does he have deeper problems than what meets the eye? 

Should you even think about what to text when he pulls away from you? Or do you ignore him? This changed behavior is making you anxious. It was going so well. What must have happened? If you’re confused and don’t know what to do when he pulls away, then we’ll give you 8 steps ahead to get back the upper hand in the relationship. But first, let’s find out what’s up with him.

Why Do Men Pull Away?

It doesn’t matter which stage of the relationship you are in. Whether you just started dating or you’ve been together for a very long time, it’s infuriating when your boyfriend becomes distant from you. But why? You’ve done nothing to hurt him. Here are some reasons he’s withdrawing his love.

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1. When he pulls away in the initial stages, it’s because he doesn’t like you enough 

If you’ve been on only a couple of dates and don’t understand why he’s ignoring you, then it’s obvious he is not into you. You thought you both had fun on the date. He even said he’ll keep in touch, but he didn’t. After the first few dates, when he pulls away, do nothing.  It is one of the signs he is not into you.

Maybe he didn’t find you charming or your interests didn’t align. Whatever the reason, let him withdraw. It’s his way of saying that his feelings aren’t the same as yours and he wants to see other people. Don’t waste your time by chasing him or making him chase you after he pulls away. 

Related Reading: How Long Do Casual Relationships Last?

2. When he pulls away but comes back every time, he wants you to chase him

If you are saying, “He pulled away but still contacts me once in a while”, then he is just playing hard to get. As simple as that. He is close to you one day. The next day he forgets you exist. This is a typical push-and-pull attitude. His hot-and-cold behavior is a clear sign he wants you to chase him. Resist the temptation to fall for this tactic. You’ll need to learn how to back away from the guy even if you like him.

Here are some other signs he likes you but he wants you to chase him:

  • He has given you hints that he likes you but hasn’t really made a move to take things forward
  • He talks about other dates to make you jealous 
  • He isn’t asking you out but doesn’t like it when you go out with others

3. When he pulls away after exclusively dating you, it means he is scared of commitment 

When he pulls away after exclusively dating

This man put so much effort into winning you. He flattered you and genuinely cared for you. You started dating each other exclusively. However, he now refuses to commit to you or call you his partner. He came on strong then backed off. This could be one of the signs you are dating a commitment-phobe.

People who have this phobia usually take a step back when things get serious. According to a study, it was found that those who avoid committed romantic relationships are likely a product of unresponsive or over-intrusive parenting. 

5 Signs He Is Pulling Away

He could be stressed. He could be focusing on other areas of his life. But that doesn’t mean he can’t drop you a text to tell you he’s occupied. This is where the whole problem lies. He can be considerate and tell you he’s busy or he can continue to be aloof. The latter is one of the dating red flags you should never ignore.

You don’t know if the problem is in his attachment style or if he is deliberately ignoring you. Whether he’s stuck at work, dating someone else, or he’s confused about you, here are some signs he is pulling away in case you are wondering why he is acting so distant all of a sudden.

1. He is not sharing anything with you anymore

This is one of the first things that happens when a guy pulls away. He will hold back on sharing his feelings and opinions. He avoids eye contact, barely texts you anymore, and the communication is slowly dying down. These are some of the ways to figure out if your guy is avoiding you.

He once tried to be your knight in shining armor. But now finds it hard to take an interest in how your day went. This is where you need to be careful. When he pulls away, do nothing. Not investing in the relationship is a calculated choice from his side, and you should be with someone who loves sharing his life with you.

2. He’s no longer excited about spending time with you

When you love someone, you want to talk to them, meet them, and be in their presence for as long as you can. When he’s no longer interested in spending time with you or going on dates with you, then it’s one of the signs he’s backing away from the relationship. 

Related Reading: Why Do Guys Distance Themselves After Intimacy?

3. He doesn’t appreciate, compliment, or acknowledge you 

A few basic things that keep a relationship harmonious are communication, acceptance, acknowledgment, and appreciation. When you stop doing even one of these, it may cause problems in the relationship. You’ll know he doesn’t want to be with you anymore when he stops appreciating you. 

4. Signs he is pulling away — there’s little to no intimacy now

All types of intimacies will take a backseat when he pulls away. There won’t be any emotional, physical, or sexual intimacy between you and your boyfriend. He is no longer vulnerable with you. He either wants to be with you just to have sex or he’s having sex with you just because the two of you are dating. It’s become an emotionally unfulfilling dynamic. You need to leave him alone when he pulls away like this.

5. He has stopped talking about the relationship’s future 

If the two of you have been dating for a long time, have great chemistry, and he pulls away all of a sudden, then there are chances he doesn’t see a future with you. When you love someone, you want to eventually move in together, get married, and settle down. But if he has stopped talking about his and the relationship’s future, it’s one of the signs he’s not interested anymore.

How To Turn The Tables When He Pulls Away — The 8-Step Strategy 

Do you want to know how to keep a guy interested or how to make a guy fall in love with you all over again? Here are some strategies on how to turn the tables when he pulls away. 

1. Don’t freak out 

The first thing to keep in mind when he acts distant is that it could be nothing. He could be dealing with family issues or he could be genuinely stuck at work every day and hasn’t had the time to respond to your messages or he may need space and want to spend some time alone.

How do you get his attention when he pulls away? By remaining calm. Leave him alone when he pulls away. This is the best thing you can do if you want the relationship to survive. Even if he intentionally withdraws from the relationship, don’t act out of haste or confront him immediately. 

Related Reading: 11 Types Of Taboo Relationships You Should Know About

2. Observe his actions

When a guy suddenly acts uninterested, it can trigger unwanted traumas from the past and nibble at our deepest fears. This is where you need to stop overthinking. If you want to know how to turn the tables when he pulls away, then try to observe his actions. Did you do or say something to upset him? Or maybe he is learning how to get over insecurities. It could be something related to you or completely unrelated to you as well. That’s why you need to observe patiently before you burst out.

3. Do something thoughtful for him 

You’re wondering how to win him back after he pulls away, or what to text when he pulls away all of a sudden. If the reasons for his distant behavior are still unclear, then do something sweet and thoughtful. Or try texting him something romantic. Try to do a few things that will make your boyfriend happy and feel loved.

Try to reignite the love and find out how to get him to chase you. You can try new things in bed if you want to know how to turn him on. Cook for him. Praise him. If there are signs he has strong feelings for you, then he will come back. 

4. Have a conversation with him 

Communication is the key to healthy relationships. Sit down. Chat with him. Don’t escalate the conversation by accusations and allegations. Don’t play the blame game. Use “I” sentences. Tell him how you feel rather than telling him how he’s making you feel.

Some of the examples are:

  • I feel like you are avoiding me
  • I think our emotional intimacy is taking a hit 
  • I feel like you are pulling away and we need to find ways to rebuild our relationship 
on dating problems

5. Give him space

Give a man space when he pulls away even after having a conversation regarding his behavior. Don’t force him to talk to you. Don’t compel him to spend time with you. You can’t be the only one to fix this. It requires two people in a relationship to bridge the gap. 

If you see the signs he’s pulling away, then let him have some alone time to process his thoughts and emotions. Maybe he is pulling back in a relationship because he wants a break. There are many benefits of taking a break in a relationship. If that’s what you want too, then taking a break in a relationship is nothing unusual. It is healthy and known to strengthen a bond. 

6. Don’t chase him 

If he didn’t fall for all the sweet things you did for him and is still showing no interest in you, then here is one of the shocking things to do when a man pulls away – Act like he doesn’t exist. If he’s moving away from you, you need to move away as well.

You can’t chase him if he doesn’t want to be with you. It will just make him feel trapped. When he pulls away in a relationship and it doesn’t seem like he wishes to return, you don’t need to put so much effort and energy into him anymore. 

7. Go out with your friends 

Have an exciting life without him. A man isn’t everything. You can have a life with or without him. Go out with your friends. Meet your family. Go back to your old hobbies. Follow your passion. The world doesn’t stop just because a man stopped giving you the attention and love you were seeking.

This is one of the best ways to get a man to chase you after he pulls away. Live your life. Don’t ever think that the fault is yours when you know it’s not. It’s one thing to care for a man in a healthy relationship. But the trait of showering you with attention one day and acting like they don’t know you the next is toxic. 

8. Date other people

Here’s what to do when you had great chemistry and he pulls away out of the blue. Date other men. He can’t expect you to tolerate his behavior forever. He took enough advantage of your resilience. It’s time you learn how to pull away from a guy you love. He can’t be AWOL for weeks and expect you to be single. So date other people. This will definitely make him come back. If nothing works, this is our last tip on how to turn the tables when he pulls away.

Key Pointers

  • It’s a red flag if he frequently resorts to a push and pull behavior
  • He might be pulling away in the initial stages of dating because he isn’t attracted to you
  • One of the major signs he is pulling away is when he shows no interest in your life
  • If it feels like he is just doing this to hurt you, leave him and date other people

You need to know what to do when he pulls away instead of chasing him. If he’s a narcissist, this is exactly what he wants. Don’t feed his ego by letting him play with your feelings. This sequence of him pulling away and then coming back can seriously impact your mental health.


1. Is he testing me by pulling away?

If this has happened just once, then you have nothing to worry about. He could be genuinely busy. But if this is a recurring action, then he is testing you by pulling away. 

2. When a man pulls away how long does it last?

It can last from a day to weeks. Anything more than 3 weeks is practically a breakup. You don’t have to wait for him if he has ignored you for even 4 days straight. Every relationship has fights. That doesn’t mean you should pull away abruptly without a mutual conversation about taking space.

3. Should you pull away when he pulls away?

If there is no logical reason behind his behavior, then yes. You must pull away. If you’ve done something to offend or hurt him, then talk to him. Try to understand why he’s pulling away from you. 

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