It’s comprehensible when a guy rejects you straight to your face. You liked a guy but he didn’t like you back. You may be heartbroken for a while but him not being attracted to you is a good enough reason to move on. But why do guys disappear when they like you, especially when they have reciprocated your feelings emotionally, mentally, and physically?
It’s downright hurtful when a man disappears without an explanation. When you finally decide to put yourself first and let it all go, he comes back and pretends as if nothing happened. These mixed signals can be really daunting and frustrating. Let’s get to know this bizarre case of disappearing guys in detail and why men ghost women after responding to their feelings explicitly.
Why Do Guys Disappear When They Like You And Are Interested
This radio silence from him is drowning you with many questions. You’re wondering if he pulled away because you did something wrong. Men operate differently than women. They often do confusing things and don’t even realize that their actions are hurting someone. So why do guys disappear when they like you? Before you conclude that it’s you who drove him away, here are some reasons for his behavior:
1. He just wanted sex
When a man disappears without any explanation right after having sex with you, it’s obviously one of the signs he was using you for your body. He never wanted to be romantically involved. There’s nothing wrong with wanting a sexual relationship with someone. But it’s wrong when you don’t inform the other person about your intentions beforehand. And it’s evil when you sleep with someone and then ghost them.
Samantha, a 28-year-old barista from Los Angeles, says, “I met a guy right after I moved to LA. He was extremely sweet and respectful. We went on a couple of dates but I already felt like I was falling for him. We had sex after our third date. I woke up the next morning and he was gone. He didn’t pick up my calls after that. He slept with me and disappeared, can you believe that? I have never felt so used in my life. Did he lose interest in me? No. Because he was never interested in the first place. He just wanted to have sex.”
Related Reading: 10 Indisputable Signs Of A Codependent Relationship
2. He has commitment issues
When guys are afraid of commitment, they will tell you they like you and then pull back. According to a study, it was found that those who avoid committed romantic relationships are likely a product of unresponsive or over-intrusive parenting.
When guys disappear and come back, it’s usually because they like you and don’t want to miss out on you. But their commitment phobia is getting in the way of developing a relationship with you. Before you start dating him again, it’s advisable that you make him understand that these commitment issues need to be addressed.
3. He found someone else
If he disappears in the middle of texting to and fro for days, then there are chances he is now texting someone else. It’s one of the signs he is ignoring you for someone else. Maybe he likes this new person more. There’s nothing wrong with meeting someone else when the two of you were casually dating. But it would have been an act of courtesy to inform you that he would like to stop seeing you.
We asked on Reddit, what’s the reason guys disappear when they like you? A user shared, “He was interested in you for a while but then something changed and he lost interest. Maybe he met someone new and way more interesting than you. This is where you can confirm that he is just too much of a coward to break it off so he pulled the old fade away.”
4. He is too shy to make a move
Shy guys are cute until they are too shy to make a move on you. It makes you question if they even like you in the first place. Shy guys get really nervous around those they like romantically. Being shy can be a turn-off for many women. This could be one of the answers to your question, “Why do guys tell you they like you and then disappear?”
Zack, a firefighter in his mid-30s, says, “I was shy for years, I had many crushes. My shyness prevented me from saying anything to them even though I wanted to talk to them so badly. If you can’t make a move on a shy guy, then forget about him and find someone else, as he won’t make the first move no matter what.”
5. He wants you to chase him
When a guy ghosts you after spending so much time with you, it could be because he wants you to chase him. They like to feel wanted. It makes them feel special. And finally, it boosts their ego. A man who likes to be chased looks at himself as if he’s some kind of a prize.
This could be the story behind your “he pursued me, then disappeared” frustration. If a guy is making you feel like you are desperate for his attention, then that’s not the right guy.
6. He is a master of hot and cold
He expressed intense interest in you and then pulled away for no concrete reason. It’s one of the signs he is being hot and cold with you. We all desire stability in our relationship, so this unstable behavior can be really perplexing. Some guys disappear and then come back because they love the thrill of push and pull. It’s one of the signs you are dating an immature person.
Evan, an 18-year-old literature student, says, “I met a guy in college. He would text me and then disappear all of a sudden. He would reply a few days later and apologize for abruptly leaving the conversation. When this happened a few times, I realized he was just a selfish person who would talk to me when it was convenient for him.”
7. He disappeared because he doesn’t find you interesting
I know. This is a bitter pill to swallow. I really liked a guy I met at a party. It was going well at first. We met a few times. And then, he just went MIA. He pursued me and then disappeared. I asked a mutual friend, “Why did he lose interest in me all of a sudden?” She told me awkwardly that he didn’t find me interesting.
When I coincidentally met him again, he was honest and said it to my face that he didn’t like me because I was boring. That our interests didn’t align. I was too nerdy and bookish for him. That really hurt but I never want to be with someone who looks at my love for literature as unexciting.
Related Reading: Why Do Guys Distance Themselves After Intimacy?
8. He thinks he deserves someone better/He thinks you deserve someone better
Men operate differently than women. When they find someone better than them, they might get too scared as things get real. If a man thinks you are better than him, this could either act as a motivating factor for him to be a better partner or his insecurities could crop up and he would let you go.
Research shows that self-esteem can influence your relationship satisfaction just as much as it affects your partner’s. When you feel bad about yourself, your insecurities can affect the way you act with your significant other — and that can have a negative impact on both of you. On the other hand, when he thinks he deserves someone better, you can’t do much about it. After all, we accept the love we think we deserve. You just have to accept this and move on.
9. He is a serial dater
A serial dater is someone who intentionally seeks a romantic relationship only to end it when it gets serious, and then immediately jumps to dating someone else. His serial dating might even overlap. He is always ‘busy’, he disappears in the middle of texting, and he never indicates that he is ready for commitment.
Here are some signs the guy is a serial dater:
- He was never vulnerable with you
- He never liked to discuss his future plans
- He always avoided deep conversations
- He only wanted to have fun
- He slept with you and then disappeared
10. He genuinely doesn’t have a minute of free time
There are chances that he is caught up with work. He could be genuinely busy or taking care of a family member. We asked on Reddit: Why do guys disappear when they like you? A user shared, “A long time ago, I ignored a woman that I liked very much, but I just stopped returning her calls (this was before text messages were common). Why? I was insanely busy as I was trying to start and run multiple businesses. I always planned to call her back “later” or “tomorrow,” but it just didn’t happen. I felt terrible about it, but it just happened.
“Years later, she contacted me, and we dated and had the best relationship. I then learned that she had concluded that I took her virginity and left. In reality, I was busy. Of course, I regretted, and still regret missing those years with her because I was so “busy”. From this, I learned to never again be so “busy”. And I haven’t been and won’t be again.”
11. He disappeared because he thinks you aren’t interested in him
If you’re the one who is taking a lot of time to reply to his messages or dodging his questions regarding the future, then there are chances that he thinks you are not interested in him. That could be one of the reasons why he stopped texting you.
This could stem from his insecurities or from his previous relationship experiences. You need to talk to him if this is the case. Clear up this confusion and let him know that you are very much interested but you want to take it slow.
12. The sex was a huge disappointment
A study confirms that incompatibility in sex is a huge relationship dealbreaker for many. 39 percent of men and 27 percent of women say they’d leave a relationship if their libido didn’t match that of their partner. This makes “He slept with me then disappeared” one of the most common woes of single people all over the world. It’s possible that he felt you were incompatible in bed. He probably thought you felt the same way.
Not every sexual experience is mind-blowing. Bad sex or sexual incompatibility can be a turn-off for anyone. This could be one of the reasons he ghosted you, thinking that you wouldn’t want anything to do with him either.
13. He hasn’t gotten over his previous relationship yet
Maybe he has disappeared because he isn’t over his ex yet and you were just a rebound. A guy who is still waiting for his ex to come back will never say he’s ready for a relationship or date someone else exclusively. Guys disappear and then return because it’s a possibility that they went back to the ex but the ex didn’t give him another chance.
A few other signs he is still in love with his ex:
- He used to mention the ex all the time
- He was still angry with them
- Everything reminded him of his ex
- He compared you to them
14. He is a narcissist and it’s all about his ego
When someone repeats this behavior of disappearing and reappearing, it’s not a mistake. It’s a conscious choice. Narcissists are known to indulge in such push-pull relationships. They get bored easily and need something or the other to keep them entertained.
If you find yourself in an on-again-off-again relationship, it’s because you are dating someone who likes to boost his ego by seeing how desperate you can get to be with him. His inconsistency shows that he doesn’t care about you.
15. Your values are clashing with each other
There are times when you come across people who don’t share the same values as you. It could be religious values or even worldly values. Maybe he lost interest in you when he found out that your beliefs were in striking contrast to his.
What To Do When A Guy Disappears When They Like You
According to research, “The experience of being left or rejected by someone who thought that they loved you, then learned more and changed their mind, can be a particularly potent threat to the self and can drive people to question who they truly are. This can create insecurities in them.” Here are some things you can do when guys disappear, then come back:
- Don’t take it personally. Always know that it’s not you, this behavior is a reflection of him
- If it’s his narcissistic tendencies, then he feeds off of hot-and-cold tactics. It’s one of the reasons why you must block him so he can’t mess with your head anymore
- Don’t reach out to him if he wants you to be desperate for him
- If he is a shy guy and genuinely likes you or if he’s struggling with low self-esteem, then tell him you like him and want to go on a date with him
This behavior of ghosting and then returning when it’s convenient to him can wreak havoc on your feelings. If you really like this guy, then talk to him and make him understand that this behavior isn’t acceptable and he will end up losing you if he doesn’t get his act together.
- When a guy doesn’t find you interesting, he will disappear and find someone who he deems better than you
- If a guy ghosts you after you slept with him, then it’s possible that he was using you for sex
- When a man disappears in the middle of texting, it’s because he could be stuck at work or dealing with stress
- Focus on self-care and self-love when a guy disappears after telling you he likes you
A state of confusion can plague your rationality. It will give rise to a lot of insecurities and self-doubts. You will need a lot of patience to go through this sort of immature behavior. A mature man will tell you he doesn’t like you if he wants to break it off with you.