Are You Unknowingly Flirting? How To Know?

do i flirt without knowing it

A good conversation, wonderful company, and a glass of wine sound like such a great Saturday night idea. Over time, we’ve realized the importance of having great friends and being one too. Everyone loves being around a kind, friendly and charming person, but have you ever asked yourself, “Am I flirting without realizing it?”

If you’re struggling with this question, don’t worry. You don’t have to dull your light to fit into people’s ideas of who you should be. As the life of every party, we’re sure that you love to entertain people and make every occasion full of fun camaraderie.
We understand that because you’re here to have a good time and make sure that others do the same, your concerns about being known as ‘the flirtatious one’ in social circles are valid. Instead of stopping being the vibrant person that you are, you can start making a conscious effort to keep your words in check.

Be it a colleague delivering an epic presentation or a friend wearing a suave suit, there is always something in everyone to compliment. What matters is HOW you say what you say. Though your intentions are never to lead anyone on, your naturally flirty personality can make people think differently. The million-dollar question is how to put break-free from this perception people have of you. Let’s dig a little deeper to find out.

Is It Possible To Flirt Unintentionally?

Yes, it is! In building meaningful relationships with others, there is a big possibility that we might cross a few boundaries that we don’t know about. What seems like harmless banter to you, might seem like accidental flirting to others. People can mistake your friendliness for flirtation. While having zero flirting skills can affect your dating game, your naturally flirty personality can lead you to monitor every interaction that you have with the people around you.

struggling to set boundaries with your partner

Picture this: You’re sitting next to a stranger on a bus and you happen to love their watch. You compliment them for it, by saying, “Hey, I love how the watch looks on your hand!” There is a big chance that they might perceive your efforts of being kind as a bad case of flirting.

The hard-to-digest pill here is that your words can always be interpreted differently by different people. All you can do is be conscious of what you’re saying. Keep reading to understand how you can evaluate your behavior so that you can stop asking yourself, “Am I flirting without realizing it?”

Related Reading: Healthy Flirting Vs Unhealthy Flirting – 8 Key Differences

7 Signs To Know If You’re Flirting Without Realizing It

If you’ve been told you’re overly flirtatious, chances are you’re someone who showers people with compliments and sweet nothings, be it a coworker or a really good friend. While it is completely platonic for you, the other person can interpret your naturally flirty personality differently.

Have you ever wondered, “Why does everyone think that I’m flirting with them?” The answer may lie in these 7 signs that indicate that you tend to flirt without even realizing it:

1. You feel a shift in your body language

Sometimes our actions speak way louder than our words. You don’t need corny lines to make someone feel like you’re flirting with them. Your body language can give subtle yet strong hints to the person you’re talking to.

If you’re not trying to step up your dating game, you should be conscious of the way your body reacts to the company of people. The fact of the matter is that although female body language or male body language is difficult to translate, all of us are wired to interpret it intuitively and pick up hints based on the other person’s stance, expressions, and more.

If you’re a woman, even a change in voice or the way you touch your hair while speaking can be interpreted as accidental flirting by someone who’s interested in you. For no fault of yours, you might be haunted by the question, “Why do guys think that I’m flirting with them?”. And as a man, touching your counterpart’s arm as a way to connect can become a flirting green flag real quick.

While physical touch can be your language of expression, it might not necessarily be the other person’s. Be careful how you present yourself around someone new. Leaning in while conversing, holding eye contact, and even crossing your arm while talking to someone can be deciphered as flirty body language.

Bonobology says: The most powerful language is the one that isn’t spoken.

body language flirting signs
Your body language and posture might indicate flirting

2. You’re called a ‘flirt’ all the time

Imagine this: You’ve just gotten introduced to a friend of a friend at a party. You spend time chatting with them about their career plans. After a long conversation, you bid them goodbye and say, “Not only are you good looking, you are also such a wonderful company to keep. We should do this again sometime soon.”

We get it, you’re just being nice. You don’t have any intentions of making a pass at this person, but sometimes being overly friendly can seem like accidental flirting. Though there is no need for you to behave according to people’s expectations, you can keep your words in check in case you feel that someone is getting uncomfortable.

Avoid cheesy pick-up lines and cheeky banter around those who think that you’re a flirt. This is a great remedy for the looming question over your head: Why does everyone think that I’m flirting with them?

Bonobology says: Ooh la la can turn into Oops real quick if one isn’t cautious.

3. You have awkward conversations about your feelings

“My best friend and I flirt quite occasionally, but I am unsure if he has real feelings for me. Sometimes it feels real and I really want the relationship to become romantic, but I’m worried I’m misinterpreting the flirting and it’ll ruin the friendship. Is he being serious or is it all just for fun?”

It would come off as no surprise if you find your friend posting such questions on social media sites. With that magnetic nature of yours, there is a chance that a lot of people in your social circle feel that you are interested in wooing them. We don’t blame them because your charm is undeniable. No doubt that everyone thinks that you’re flirting with them.

However, there may have been times when you’ve led on a few of your friends because you’ve been unconsciously flirting. This has led to you having many awkward conversations with them about how you were just being your friendly self. You can’t help your naturally flirty personality.

Bonobology says: Unconditional love > Unrequited love

4. People ask you for tips

If you had a dollar for each time someone asked you for your ‘pro flirting skills’, you’d never have to work a day in your life. People ask you for the secret behind all the smooth-talking and the way your loved ones blush around you. The truth of the matter is that there is no recipe for being awesome.

Be it impressing a crush or wooing a partner, your friends believe that nobody can help them better than you. While it is amazing to be in demand, it can get exhausting to be called a flirting guru.

Bonobology says: Advices are good until you need one too.

Related Reading: The Dos And Don’ts Of Flirting At The Gym

5. You come off as rude just to avoid flirting

In order to not sound flirtatious, you constantly try to figure out where to draw the line. So, instead of your charming remarks, you tend to use sarcastic one-liners or completely withdraw from the situation.

Instead of politely declining an offer in the fear of sounding too friendly, you flat out say no. While you don’t mean to hurt anyone, you’re just too scared of being looked at as someone who’s looking for a reason to flirt.

In the process of doing so, you end up behaving in a way that people around you don’t like. While you’re trying to not look flirty, they assume that you’re uninterested and rude. Or even worse, they think that you’re moody or just playing hard to get (which is far from the truth).

This constant battle can be frustrating as no one seems to understand that you are a likable person with no intention of leading anyone on. Especially, when you’re trying hard to work on your naturally flirty personality. Ever felt like tattooing ‘I’m not rude’ on your body so that people don’t misunderstand your behavior?

Bonobology says: Don’t be the red flag.

6. You’ve ended up with broken friendships

Do you know the two things that are quick to catch but hard to let go of? Debt and feelings for a friend. Focusing on the latter; has led you to ask yourself all the time, “Am I flirting without realizing it?”

You’ve ruined a couple of good bonds over the years because of your (overly) joyous nature. Seems like a lot of your friends were struck by the Cupid’s arrow while you were just being the wonderful person that you are.

You often find yourself in such situations because you don’t hold back in showing your deep appreciation for the people around you. Your innocent compliments land you in a soup with your close ones’ feelings on the line. You may not be flirting purposely but recognizing the behavior when you’re in a social situation helps avoid awkward conversations. This helps save your time and someone else’s too.

Bonobology says: The devil works hard but the friendzone works harder.

7. You constantly find yourself having an ‘oops’ moment

If you find yourself in sticky “I didn’t mean that” situations a lot, it’s time that you dig a bit deeper to understand where it is that you’re going wrong. Don’t be oblivious to your flirtatious tendencies. You can be a carefree person but don’t be careless with your words. It’s always a nice idea to explore the line between banter and accidental flirting because it helps understand how you hurt people – even if you don’t mean to do that.

While you navigate the world of unintentional flirting, make sure that you realize that most of your behavior stems from how you communicate with others and most importantly, with yourself. As a method of introspection, you can ask yourself a few questions to help understand when your innocent behavior feels like flirting with others.

Bonobology says: Sometimes better a what-if than an oops!

3 Questions To Ask Yourself If You Feel That You’re Unconsciously Flirting

Some people are blessed with smooth-talking skills and vivacious personalities. But it can also serve as a disadvantage when you’re trying too hard to not date someone and just be friends. We get it, the struggle is real.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how much do you relate to the “I know nothing” quote by Jon Snow, when it comes to people calling you a natural flirt? Did you just say, “All the time”? We recommend you ask yourself three questions each time you find yourself in a soup wondering, “Do I flirt without realizing it?”

Related Reading: What To Do When A Woman Is Flirting With Your Husband At Work

1. What are my intentions regarding this person?

It is absolutely normal to compliment people that you find attractive. It is human nature to be playful and funny with the ones who catch your eye. But there is always a breaking point where you should clearly define what you feel for the particular person.

Maybe all that you’re looking for is cheeky banter and a good time, but it is important to make sure that the other person feels the same. Don’t let your words speak for how you feel. It’s high time that you stop wondering “am I flirting without realizing it”.

A good way to set the tone for your conversation is to let your friend know that you’re really just looking for friendship. One way of doing so is by sending them a message that lets them know: “Hey, I love how we share such a good bond but I just want to be clear that I like you as a friend.”

When you decide to take it to the next level or to not talk at all, you can communicate that too. Ghosting someone is a bad idea, trust us. Stray away from being oblivious to flirting and take control. Don’t stay awake wondering, “Am I flirting without realizing it?”

2. Do I know when to draw the line?

There is no hidden formula that tells you when innocent banter is perceived as accidental flirting by someone you’re talking to. But, all is not lost because you can always keep a keen eye on the way people are reacting to your conversation.
If you feel that the other person has begun to talk to you romantically, then it’s time to revisit how you’ve been speaking to them. Take a step back and ask yourself, “Am I flirting without realizing it?” There is a lot of learning and unlearning to do when it comes to understanding where to draw your boundaries. But once you’ve figured that out, you’ll never face such an issue again.

If the conversation has turned from casual banter to them asking you deep life questions, you know that it’s time for a change in the way you speak. Begin with letting them know your true intentions. Don’t keep someone in the dark because it’s fun talking to them. Be a bigger person.

relationship advice

3. Is the dopamine getting to my head?

Scientists have proven over the years that any kind of flirting, even if unintentional, releases dopamine which gives us the ‘feel good’ effect. Getting attention from someone can make you feel happy in the head.

There is a huge possibility that one can get dependent on how this dopamine rush makes one feel. However, it is important to ensure that the other person’s feelings and best interests are not ignored in the process. If someone is led on unintentionally, they will consider every interaction with you important. They will put you first and make decisions about their life.

Lastly, people are very sensitive when it comes to matters of the heart. If you are dating a sensitive man or woman, your words can make them plan an entire fairy tale with you while you’re just busy having the time of your life. It is ironic how love stems from friendship and yet we cannot differentiate between the two until it is too late.

The problem with unintentional flirting is that one of the two people always ends up with a broken heart. Love is full of magic but all magical things have consequences too. Life is short and we believe that every day should be filled with adventure, laughter, and lots of fun; but not at the cost of someone’s feelings.

Flirting, whether it is intentional or unintentional, can lead to lots of miscommunication. It can lead to people wondering where they stand in your life. It can lead to people questioning their worth because of how inconsistent sweet nothings can be. It can lead to people becoming distant from you.

It is totally okay to want to flirt without ending up with someone. One way to not make this a messy situation is to be clear about what you want with others and make sure that you stick to your intentions. Make sure that you begin to flirt responsibly, and you’ll be good to go!

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