A breakup can feel like the end of the world. No amount of Ben & Jerry’s can fill the human-sized hole left in your heart, especially when it is accompanied by signs he will never come back to you. Even after the messiest breakup, you grab onto the tiniest sense of hope that you and your ex might rekindle the romance. However, it is time you stopped being in denial and remove your rose-tinted glasses because he certainly has.
Being oblivious to signs your ex will never come back is doing you more harm than good. Of course, the fantasy seems sweeter than the reality but living in a dreamland has never helped anyone. In this article, we have identified 20 sure shot signs which basically scream that he is not coming back. If you can relate to them, you know you have to put in some serious efforts in moving on.
Here Are The 20 Signs He Will Never Come Back
It is very natural to hold hope of rekindling the flames, after your breakup. That being said, holding on to this hope makes sense only when you know for sure that your ex feels the same way too. You need to understand the dynamic you share and sometimes just read the room. If there are clear signs your ex will never come back, the sooner you acknowledge them, the better.
Let’s face it, guys are hardly inconspicuous, so once you open your eyes, it’ll be blatantly obvious that he is not coming back. It’s always a sticky situation when exes are involved, but it is even stickier when your love is unrequited. You never know if you’re being positive, clingy, hopeful, or a little pathetic.
Related Reading: First Breakup – 11 Ways To Deal With It
More often than not, if your ex is interested, a mere “Hey, I’ve been thinking about you” would be enough to make him ride your proverbial coattails. Although it has been confirmed by my best friend, who has a penchant for frolicking with a new girl every week, that when a man has moved on he always shows signs he’s never coming back. Here are 20 such signs that scream “he will never come back”:
1. Your relationship ended on a bad note is a sign he will never come back
No one likes to relive sour memories. It is human tendency to attach a basic negative connotation to a messy breakup. The incompatibility or an unfortunate situation must have driven him away. It would be a bit much to expect him to return post a terrible fight. Hence if your relationship ended on a bitter note, there is a chance he is never coming back.
For instance, my college friends, Garry and Andrea, had a falling out regarding their college decisions after 6 months of being together. They both ended up saying things that were better left unsaid. So, it’s likely Garry wouldn’t pour salt over his wounds by returning to Andrea.
2. He avoids your texts or calls
In this day and age, when everyone is hooked to their phones, it becomes glaringly obvious when someone is ignoring you or avoiding you. When men do that, they are essentially sending a message saying they are not interested. They won’t avoid your calls or texts if they’re looking to clear the air with you or get back together. This is just one of the signs he will never come back, and it might be time for you to move on.
3. He doesn’t look you in the eye is one of the signs he’s never coming back
Eye contact is crucial; you can seldom have a serious conversation unless you’re face-to-face with the other person, looking them in the eye. If he avoids meeting your eyes, it might suggest that he is not interested in the conversation, or he is thinking of ways to reject you.
Eye contact can be very intimate and endearing when you are in a relationship. You gradually start to understand what your partner is thinking internally. If your ex is avoiding eye contact, he is subtly trying to tell you that he is not interested anymore.
4. He’s already in a committed relationship is a sign your ex will not come back
If your ex is already in a committed relationship with someone else, it’s a sign he will never come back to you. It would be unfair for you to hold such unrealistic expectations. Not to mention, you might hate yourself if you cost another girl her relationship.
It genuinely isn’t worth it to expect him to come back if he is already spoken for. You might decide to wait, but it’ll only cause you pain you needn’t endure. It’s much wiser to accept you guys are not meant to be and try to move on.
5. He has returned all your gifts/belongings
When you still have strong feelings for someone who is no longer in your life, you cling to the memories you shared. You keep their belongings, listen to tunes that remind you of them, they’re basically imprinted in your existence.
But if your ex has returned all your stuff, he is trying to cut the cord of attachment. And this is one of the most compelling signs that he will never come back. Evidently, this man wants to get rid of anything that reminds him of you and is ready to start a new chapter in your life, as should you.
6. He cuts off contact with your mutual friends
Naturally, you and your ex would have mutual friends that you used to hang out with. But if your ex has broken off contact with your mutual friends as well, it goes to show that he is really going that extra mile to avoid you. Maybe he doesn’t want to reinstate contact or he just wants to forget your existence altogether. Either way, he definitely wants to be left alone.
When two people break up, it is natural for their friends to eliminate any and all communication between them. This is an obvious and important sign he is not coming back.
Related Reading: Can We Be Friends With Our Exes?
7. He isn’t envious of your romantic relationships
If your ex is looking to get back together, he would be fastidious about your relationships. Not necessarily saying he would turn into the next Joe Goldberg, but other romantic relationships will unsettle him.
But if your ex shows a keen disinterest when it comes to your romantic engagements, it is one of the signs he will never come back. He has essentially moved on to a new chapter in his life and couldn’t care less about your new lover.
8. He hardly makes an effort is a major sign he will never come back
One of the signs he will never come back anymore is when he hardly puts any effort to engage with you. He doesn’t want to meet you or even talk to you over the phone. In the complex and fairly daunting arena of modern dating, it can be difficult to determine if he is playing ‘hard to get’ or if he is plainly uninterested. Once you conclude that he might be uninterested it could be extremely painful and difficult to deal with, especially if you haven’t fully recovered from the breakup.
Understandably, it can be difficult to picture your life without someone who was once such an integral part of it. Changes in your status quo can be tricky to adapt to. But in the long run, it is better if you accept that if he is hardly making any effort, he is not looking to get into a relationship anytime soon.
9. He asks you to move on is the biggest sign your ex will never come back
It is honestly the cruelest form of torture to walk away from someone when you don’t want to. It’s even more arduous when your beloved asks you to move on. But in the words of poet Charles Bukowski, “What matters most is how well you walk through the fire.”
As we have discussed, moving on, while being extremely tedious, is healthy in the long run. If your partner is asking you to move on, he is not coming back. He is not looking to revive any romantic relationships with you. The best you can do in a situation like this is to love yourself and slowly but steadily move on to greater things life has to offer.
10. He has blocked you on social media
These days, when someone blocks you on social media, it is essentially set in stone that they don’t want to think about your existence. They have chosen to let go of that part of their life. While it is seemingly heartbreaking to be blocked on social media, it is a clear indication of him never coming back to you.
Related Reading: Signs Your Partner Is About To Break Up With You
Instagram, Facebook and WhatsApp govern all interpersonal communication in a big way. If he has blocked you everywhere, it is one of the signs your ex will never come back. It is strenuous to shift from the once idyllic world of sharing memes with each other and sending hearts on WhatsApp, but I strongly suggest that you do not lament over the past and see this as an opportunity to move on.
11. He says those much-dreaded 5 words – I don’t love you anymore
All couples have different love languages, but small verbal affirmations are a constant in almost all relationships. You look forward to hearing those lovely 3 words that make your heart soar. But after the relationship has ended and your ex says, “I don’t love you anymore”, it directly targets your insecurities.
The feeling of rejection is almost overwhelming. When he says those words, it’s a sign he will never come back. Initially, it might be a bitter pill to swallow but things will start to look up soon enough. Rather than clinging to the same individual, you should accept reality. Give yourself some time and fill it with things so you may forget about him and go on with your life.
12. If he’s sleeping around, it’s a sign he will never come back
One of the signs he will never come back is when he starts to have other physical entanglements. If your ex starts sleeping with other people, it’s one of the clearest signs that he doesn’t want you back. This is most likely an indicator that he is ready to move on from you and your relationship.
If your ex is sleeping with other people, don’t get your hopes up that he’ll return. People who have been in a significant long-term relationship may sleep with other people for a variety of reasons. For example, enjoy experimenting with their newfound independence and with different types of people. Or as a coping mechanism to get over the pain of a breakup.
However, sometimes the simplest explanation can be the correct one – he is over you and has no intentions of starting things up again. Instead, he is exploring his options in a bid to move on.
13. The breakup doesn’t seem to affect him
It can be cathartic to have a messy breakup after a good relationship. While it might sound a little unconventional, a fight where both of you are emotional and upset about the relationship ending is much better than a passive-aggressive “You’re a nice girl, I hope you find someone better”. But if your ex seems unfazed by the breakup, it’s a sign that he isn’t going to look back and regret having ended things with you. Perhaps, he wasn’t that involved in the relationship in the first place. It is also time you realize that you need to stop loving someone who does not love you.
Your self-confidence might take a hit, you might feel very lonely, but know that down the line you will pick yourself up. I feel as if this quote by F. Scott Fitzgerald might resonate with you, “For what it’s worth, it’s never too late to be whoever you want to be. I hope you live a life you’re proud of, and if you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start over.”
14. Flirting doesn’t seem to do the trick anymore
This one is pretty self-explanatory. When your ex doesn’t flirt back with you and is not interested in your romantic advances, it’s one of the signs that he will never come back. Usually, when someone is still interested in you, they look for opportunities to compliment you, make sexual innuendos and sweet gestures. If all these are lacking from your conversation, chances are he has already moved on.
15. Vague and dismissive responses show he is not coming back
After the relationship has ended, it is natural for your texts to become a tad bit awkward. You’re both walking on eggshells and uncertain of how to converse with each other. But if your ex is straight-up dismissive and shows no interest in engaging in a conversation, he’s pretty much asking you to stop texting him.
No, he is not playing ‘hard to get’, he is not ‘pining for attention’, he simply wants to be left alone. Of course, it’s not a very pleasant feeling, especially after a long-term relationship. There is hardly anything you can do in a situation like this apart from leaving him alone and focusing on your life and the path ahead.
16. “I think we’re better off as friends”
When your ex asks you to stay friends after the breakup, he’s usually implying that he doesn’t see you reuniting. It is one of the most direct signs that he will never come back. It could be difficult to be friendzoned by him, especially if you had hoped to address and resolve your problems.
But it is what it is. You need to get over the breakup. You also need to assess your options and stay away from him if your mental health is in jeopardy. For your own sake, tell him it would be preferable if you could fully cut cords. Prioritize yourself and love yourself through this testing situation.
17. It’s been a while since you guys called it quits
How long have you been apart from your ex-partner? The longer you are separated, the less likely you are to rekindle those long-lost feelings. You are unlikely to contact each other if it has been a long time since you last spoke or saw each other.
Furthermore, if he appears to have gone on with his life without contacting you, this is one of the tell-tale signs he will never come back. If he meant to return, he’d have tried to contact you every now and then to see how you were doing. Or just generally tried to spike a conversation, hoping it advances to a romantic level.
Related Reading: How Do Indian Men Overcome Breakups?
18. If your relationship ended due to infidelity, he is not coming back
This particular point is pretty self-explanatory. If either one of you were unfaithful, there is a slim chance of your relationship reigniting. It is pretty obvious when I say that no one would want to return to a deceitful and disloyal partner. Why put yourself through the same hurt again?
If you were cheated on, then you should know you can do much better than your treacherous ex-partner. And if you were the one who cheated, then maybe you need to take a step back and assess if you ever loved your partner in the first place. If you cheated on your partner, you need to accept that he is not coming back.
19. You’re not a topic of conversation
Have you contacted your mutual pals since splitting up with your ex? Did they inform you that he keeps referencing you, asking how you’ve been doing? One of the signs he will never come back to you is if he never mentions you to other people. He doesn’t want to be reminded of you in any way.
To that end, he no longer talks about you the way he did in the past. Those halcyon days of your relationship where he could not stop gushing over you are now over. And maybe you should consider moving on as well. In the words of C.S. Lewis, “There are far better things ahead than any we leave behind.”
20. He isn’t a supporting figure in your life anymore
There is nothing more validating to men than when you make them feel needed and important. James Bauer, a relationship expert, coined the term hero instinct, which means that men have a psychological need to feel needed by their partners. This is one of the factors that make a man fall in love with a woman.
If you split up with your man and he is no longer there for you, it is one of the signs he will never come back anymore. Small things like not checking in can indicate that he is no longer interested or available as a support system to you.
We have reached the end of this bittersweet guide of how to notice the signs he will never come back. I hope your nerves are settled and all your questions have been answered. I’m one of the biggest supporters of optimism and hope. There is nothing wrong with wanting to clear the air with your ex.
But I also urge you to draw a line when it starts affecting your mental health. Your life is never dictated by the presence of a particular man and I hope you understand your worth soon. If you are in a conundrum, struggling to move on from your relationship, Bonobology has a team of therapists who can guide you through this phase of life.
If he is still in contact with you, talks to your friend, stalks you on social media and has not jumped into a relationship, it could mean he might come back.
He might be coming back months later because he needed some clarity on what he wanted. He might just want to talk to you about what happened and why so that he can actually put it all to bed and move on
Maybe you still have feelings for him and hope that he will come back to you. It can also be because he might be still in contact with you and giving signals he wants to come back.