100 Question To Ask Your Ex To Work Through Your Feelings

Breakups are inevitably painful. Whether it was a whirlwind romance or a long-term relationship, when a connection withers away, it stings. Even the most amicable and mutual separations can hurt and evoke a lot of resentment. You find yourself caught in an unending loop of what-ifs and endless questions to ask your ex. There is a sense that if you could somehow find the answers to these questions, it’d make moving on easier.  

While there is no denying that closure comes from within, having the answers to the what, why, and how of a breakup can definitely help you get clarity that takes you a step closer to closure. For that to happen, you need to know the right questions to ask your ex after a breakup. We’ve compiled a list of 100 such questions, so you don’t find yourself stuck with a case of staircase wit should the opportunity of a conversation with your ex present itself. 

100 Question To Ask Your Ex To Work Through Your Feelings

Beyond the romanticized happily-ever-afters and fairy-tale endings, there lies an uncomfortable truth: many relationships come with an expiry date. People part ways for various reasons. And what follows after a breakup? Questions. Too many of them. Here is a list of 100 questions to ask your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend after a breakup. We also have some closure questions that will help you move on and heal from the breakup.

Questions to ask your ex about the breakup

You’ve been thinking about your ex a lot and your mind is filled with loose ends and longings. Now is the right time to ask these questions and find out what your ex actually thinks about you. 

1. Do you miss me?

This is one of the no-brainer questions to ask your ex after a breakup. There are many reasons you miss your ex. The two of you have spent so much time together that it’s obvious a question like this pops up. You miss them, and you just want to hear from them that they miss you too. 

2. Did you truly love me?

Our perspective gets a little distorted when we are dealing with a breakup. We don’t know if they ever loved us and if everything was just one big act. Now that the two of you aren’t together, you may want to ask your ex to tell you honestly if they ever loved you or not. 

3. What attracted you to me?

This is one of the questions to ask after a breakup period when you’ve both formed a friendship. There are many qualities in men that attract women and vice-versa. Was it your confidence, your altruistic nature, or any of your physical features that attracted your ex? You may even want this information for when you’re ready to date other people. 

Related Reading: 10 Indisputable Signs Of A Codependent Relationship

4. What’s the one thing you couldn’t stand about me?

This is one of the things you should ask your ex if you want to use the breakup as a lesson to help improve yourself and be a better partner in your future relationships. If it’s been a while since the breakup and you’ve been wondering, what aspect of my personality annoyed my ex? Was it my bossy nature or did they hate that I didn’t give them enough time? Ask them and find out. 

5. Did you ever cheat on me?

This is what you should ask your ex if they ever did anything to arouse suspicion and you never had the courage to confront them. Now is the time to address that elephant in the room and give your ex a chance to come clean about it.

6. What was lacking in our relationship?

This is one of the most important and deep questions to ask your ex-girlfriend or boyfriend. Was the chemistry off or was it bad timing? Was our sex life good or could it have been better? Was there lack of communication? Find out what was lacking in your past relationship so that you can try and enhance your future one. 

7. Has the breakup changed you?

If you are wondering, “What to ask my ex after moving on and being in a happy relationship?”, then you can start from this. Breakups can change a person for better or for worse. Have they become a better listener or have they found ways to handle arguments in a healthy way? These are some things to find out about your former partner, especially if you’re both on good terms now. 

8. Were you happy in the relationship?

Did your relationship make your ex happy or did they start resenting you at some point, and the build up caused you to part ways? Their answer may give you a unique insight into your dynamic as well as who you are as a partner. 

9. Were we compatible with each other?

This is another question to ask your ex to gather more insight into your past relationship. If they say the two of you weren’t compatible, then you can ask them: What would they have done differently to increase the level of compatibility?

10. What, according to you, were our strengths and weaknesses?

Every relationship has its strengths and weaknesses. Maybe the two of you were good at handling conflicts but your insecurities got in the way, or your partner’s jealous nature was creating a lot of problems. 

Related Reading: 7 Reasons You Feel Uneasy In Your Relationship And 3 Things You Can Do

11. Do you remember our first date?

A little trip down memory lane to invoke nostalgia and one of the deep questions to ask your ex. You are thinking about your first date with them and naturally want to ask them this, to see if they remember how well it went or how awkward it was. 

12. At what exact moment did you fall for me?

This is such a cute question to ask an ex. It doesn’t matter if the breakup was sour. It’s still a heartwarming memory to recall and share. Was it the time when you first kissed them or was it when they fell sick and you went over with homemade soup? 

13. Have you trash-talked about me with your friends?

It may not be politically correct to say so, but people trash talk their exes ALL THE TIME. Is your ex guilty of it? This is one of the funny questions to ask your ex if you’re both friends now. You too can share with them if you’ve dissed them with your gang. 

14. How long did it take you to move on?

A year, three months, or just a month? Some people move on quickly, whereas some take more than a year to completely heal and move on from a person. Find out how long you’re expiring for you. 

Related Reading: 15 Signs A Guy Is Nervous Around You And 5 Reasons Why

15. How often or rarely do you think about me?

The strangest things can remind you of them more often than you would like. You see a t-shirt they left behind and you reminisce about the good times you had. You’re watching a TV show and remember how you argued about the main character’s death. 

16. Is your new partner a better lover than me? 

You need to be prepared before you ask this question because there’s a 50% chance the answer can hurt you. If they say yes, then don’t make a big deal out of it. If they say no, then great. 

17. Do your friends hate me? 

This is one of the funny questions to ask your ex after the breakup. It’s normal for people to hate their friends’ exes. But did they hate you when the two of you were together? Did they have anything to do with the breakup? 

18. How was our sex life?

Average, good, could have been better, or were you the best they ever had? You can ask your ex what they loved about the intimate times you shared together. 

19. Did I help you grow as a person?

Growth is one of the fundamentals of support in a relationship. It can be of any kind – emotional, intellectual, and financial. A good partner will help you grow in all aspects of life. Find out if you helped them grow as a person. 

Related Reading: 13 Possible Signs He Is Trying To Make You Jealous

20. Do you think we could ever be amicable with each other?

If the relationship ended on a bad note, then this is one of the things to ask your ex. Can the two of you be in the same room without any hostility and antagonism? Ask them if you can be friends, if that’s what you want. 

21. Do you think you treated me well?

Often, we’re so blindsided by our feelings that we fail to recognize relationship red flags that may be staring us in the face. If, with the benefit of hindsight, you realize that they didn’t treat you with the respect and love you deserved, you may be itching to ask them this question. 

22. Was there a specific incident that made you doubt our future together?

This question is designed to identify if a particular event or moment significantly altered your ex’s confidence in the long-term potential of the relationship. It can help pinpoint a trigger for doubt, offering clarity on what may have led to diminished trust or optimism.

23. Do you remember why we broke up?

There are three sides to every story. Their side, your side, and the truth. You can ask this thought-provoking question and find out how they remember your breakup and what according to them was the actual reason behind the two of you parting ways. 

24. Did you feel supported emotionally during our relationship?

This inquiry assesses whether your ex perceived that their emotional needs were met throughout the relationship. Understanding their perspective on emotional support can reveal whether a lack of empathy or understanding contributed to your breakup.

25. What could have been done differently to prevent the breakup?

This question encourages reflective discussion about both partners’ roles in the relationship’s challenges. It aims to uncover specific actions or compromises that might have steered the relationship in a healthier direction, providing insights for personal growth and future relationships.

Related Reading: 20 Signs Your Ex Will Never Come Back

Questions to ask after a breakup for closure

Moving on without closure is perhaps the hardest thing to do after a breakup. Your mind is clouded with a zillion questions, and you feel like you cannot put the past to rest unless you get the answers. That’s understandable. If you get a chance to have that closure conversation, here are some questions to ask your ex-girlfriend for closure, or your ex-boyfriend to finally close that chapter.

1. Was there a specific moment when you fell out of love with me?

The answer may be painful to process but if you broke up because your ex fell out of love with you, the answer may put a lot of things about the breakup in perspective and help you take that first step toward moving on. 

2. Was I a good partner to you?

The eternal question. Everyone wonders this after a breakup. Also, it’s a practical question to ask your ex when you want to know your patterns before starting a new relationship with someone else.

3. Did your friends have anything to do with our breakup?

Sometimes a breakup can be brought on by external forces, like friends constantly telling your former partner that they could do better, and ultimately driving a wedge between you two. If that was, in fact, the case, and your ex admits to it when you ask this question, you might just find relief that it wasn’t you – it was them who played a hand in the split. 

4. What was I like as a partner?

Controlling, possessive, indifferent, loving, responsible, or the ‘cool’ type? This is one of the closure questions to ask your boyfriend/girlfriend because it will help you understand yourself better as a partner. If you want to stay connected with them, then this will also help you understand what bothered them about you and what they liked in you.

5. Were there chances of our relationship surviving?

Were there any chances of saving the relationship if you could have paid more attention, if they could have compromised a little more, or if the two of you could have tackled conflicts better? Understanding if your connection had the characteristics of a healthy relationship or it was doomed from the beginning. 

Related Reading: How To Keep A Relationship Exciting And Interesting For Long Term

6. Why do you think our relationship didn’t work out?

This is a complicated question that will possibly open a can of worms. One of you may not take accountability for your mistakes. Before you ask this question for closure, make sure you are strong enough to deal with their answers. Ask them something like, “Would you have done anything differently back then to make the relationship work?” 

7. How did you deal with our breakup?

Slept around a lot, cried in your room, or trash-talked your way out of the breakup? Every person deals with breakups differently. I went on a lot of dates to move on from my ex. I bet you want to know what they did to cope and how their breakup healing process was like.

8. Did our relationship teach you anything?

Every relationship teaches us something or the other, be it how to be kinder as a partner, or the value of respect in a relationship, or even the ability to spot toxic relationship patterns. What life lesson did your ex take from yours? 

9. Do you remember me fondly or with contempt? 

This is one of the complicated questions to ask your previous partner. You might wish to ask them if the memory of you puts a smile on their face or if they associate you with negative memories. 

Related Reading: What He Really Thinks When He Realizes You Blocked Him

10. Are you in a rebound relationship?

People get into rebound relationships shortly after a breakup before the feelings of the former relationship have been resolved. If they say yes, then you can confirm that they haven’t gotten over you yet. A study has found that men were more likely to enter rebound relationships in the aftermath of a relational termination due to lower levels of social support and more emotional attachment to an ex-partner. If you have plans to stay connected with them right after the separation, then your ex-partner being in a rebound relationship could affect that decision.

11. Did you sleep with others to get over me?

You might have heard from your friends that the best way to get over someone is to get with someone else. This question comes out of sheer curiosity and is often what people want to ask their ex, even at the cost of poking their nose into their ex’s sex life. 

12. Is there anything you would like to ask me?

There may be questions your ex wants to ask you as well. So give them a chance by asking them this question. 

13. If there’s one memory you could erase of me, what would it be?

It could be the time you acted out of jealousy and did something stupid or it could be the time you stonewalled your partner because you were mad at them. Sometimes we don’t fully comprehend what we do when our emotions are riding high. Now that you’ve calmed down and a lot of time has passed, you want to understand everything that went down in a sound manner. 

14. Have you accepted our breakup or is there still some part of you that hasn’t processed it?

It takes time to fully come to terms with the fact that a person you loved isn’t a part of your life anymore. Most people would want to ask their ex if they are still trying to process the breakup or if they moved on long ago. 

Related Reading: How To Lose Feelings For Someone You Love And Let Go

15. What was the deal-breaker for you?

This is a question to ask your ex if you want to learn about their deal-breaker. Disrespect, lack of communication, suspiciousness, possessiveness, or maybe even some relationship pet peeves? Find out what made them think they’d had enough of the relationship. 

16. Who do you think was more invested in the relationship?

Their answer to this would help you look at the relationship in a new light. If they say they were more invested than you, then you can take heart in the fact that the breakup was just as hard on them, if not more. If they say you were the more invested one, then you can be relieved that you got out of a lop-sided relationship. Either way, this will give you another reason to move on.

17. Do you think a few more compromises could have saved the relationship? 

Even though there are things you should never compromise on in a relationship, you do need to adjust and work toward finding the middle path to stay together for the long haul. Is the lack of willingness to accommodate each other’s needs why you parted ways? Take a closer look at your past patterns because they can help you be better in your future relationships.

18. Is there anything you want to confess?

They can confess to cheating, feeling trapped in the relationship, or even tell you that they fell out of love long before they decided to break up with you. Be ready. They could also tell you that they are still in love with you. If you are on the same page as them, then you can give this relationship another chance.

19. Do you feel our breakup has helped you grow personally?

This question explores whether the breakup led to any self-improvement or new insights. It seeks to understand if the separation was a catalyst for personal growth and a shift in perspective.

Related Reading: 15 Proven Tricks to Make Your Ex Jealous

20. What is the hardest part of moving on for you?

This inquiry aims to identify the most challenging aspect of the healing process. It helps reveal which emotional hurdle or lingering issue is most difficult to overcome after the relationship ends.

21. How do you reflect on our relationship now, with time?

This question examines how perspective on the past relationship has evolved over time. It offers insight into whether the memories have become more objective, nostalgic, or remain marked by regret.

22. What aspect of our relationship do you miss the most, if any?

This question invites your ex to pinpoint a particular element of the relationship that still holds sentimental value. It helps clarify what they cherished—be it shared experiences, companionship, or a specific dynamic.

23. Is there anything unresolved that you wish we had addressed?

This inquiry focuses on lingering issues or topics that remain unaddressed. It seeks to identify any unresolved matters that might be affecting emotional closure and healing.

24. How have you changed since our breakup?

This question encourages reflection on personal transformation post-breakup. It aims to reveal how the experience has altered their behavior, mindset, or lifestyle.

25. What would you say is the most valuable takeaway from our time together?

This question is designed to extract positive lessons from the relationship. It helps both parties recognize meaningful insights or growth opportunities that emerged from their shared experiences.

Questions to ask your ex after breakup if you still have feelings for them 

If you’re still harboring feelings for your ex after the breakup, it can be hard to move on without understanding their perspective and gauging whether there’s still any emotional connection. These questions aim to uncover whether they still think about you, regret the breakup, or even ponder the possibility of reconciliation. 

1. Do you think about me when you’re having sex?

This deeply personal question taps into whether they carry emotional or sexual memories of the relationship into their current experiences. It gives a clue about whether they are emotionally over you or still have residual feelings. 

2. Do you still stalk me on social media? 

Many people find themselves obsessively checking their ex’s social media profiles long after the relationship ends, often subconsciously. This question helps you determine if they are continuing to monitor your life, signaling either missing you or struggling to let go. 

3. What’s your favorite memory of us? 

Asking this question can reveal what your ex cherishes about your shared past. It helps determine what stood out for them during the relationship and provides insight into the bond you shared. 

4. Have you kept any of my gifts? 

Gift retention can be a sign that your ex still values some part of you or may even be keeping the relationship alive emotionally. Asking this question may help you see if there are lingering attachments on their side. 

5. What’s your favorite intimate memory of us?

This question delves into a more personal side of your past relationship and provides insight into whether your ex still thinks fondly of your shared moments of closeness, whether emotional or physical. 

Related Reading: 9 Reasons You Miss Your Ex And 5 Things You Can Do About It

6. Do you ever think about getting back together?

The most straightforward approach when you’re wondering if they’re feeling the same pull toward reconciliation. Knowing whether they think about rekindling the relationship will help you gauge if there’s a window to renew the connection. 

7. Do you compare your current partner with me?

This question reveals whether their current relationship or partner is living up to what they had with you. If they’re constantly comparing their new significant other to you, it suggests that they may not have fully moved on emotionally. 

8. Did you ever see a future with me?

Knowing whether they had long-term plans with you can help you understand if they envisioned a future together or whether the breakup was inevitable to them from the start. It also lets you see whether they may still wish for a future with you. 

9. Do you wish we were still together?

This question directly asks whether they have regrets about the breakup. If they do wish to be together, it could indicate that they still harbor feelings and may be open to starting fresh with you. 

Related Reading: 13 Clear Signs Your Ex Is Unhappy In New Relationship And What Should You Do

10. Do I still make your heart skip a beat? 

This is a playful yet insightful way to assess if they still feel strong physical or emotional attraction to you. Feelings of attraction that persist even after a breakup are often a significant signal of unresolved emotions. 

11. Do you imagine what our life would have been like if we were married?

This question taps into whether they ever envisioned a future of commitment with you. It shows if they enjoy fantasizing about what could have been and whether they still hold hope for that life. 

12. Are you still in love with me?

An unavoidable yet colossal question. If you’re seeking answers about whether your ex’s feelings are still strong enough to make a difference in your future, this question will reveal if love has faded or stayed intact. 

13. Do you ever reminisce about our shared moments?

This question delves into whether your ex is clinging to the past in their own way. Memories of “good times” can either help the healing process or serve as an emotional anchor that hinders closure. 

14. How often do you find yourself thinking about what we had?

If your ex finds themselves frequently reflecting on the relationship, it might indicate that they haven’t truly let go. It can also offer insight into how stuck they may be in the past. 

Related Reading: 21 Painful Signs Your Ex Never Loved You

15. When you see something that reminds you of us, what do you feel?

This focuses on emotional responses triggered by memories tied to your relationship. It can help uncover whether the memories bring emotional peace and fondness or sadness and regret. 

16. Have you ever compared your current emotions to the way you felt with me?

A key question to see if they still feel the same intensity of affection or passion with their new partner, or if they find themselves comparing current feelings to what they once experienced with you. 

17. What emotion do you most associate with our past relationship?

This helps explore the emotional residue your ex carries from the relationship. The answer reveals their deeper feelings—whether they remember the relationship with warmth, regret, or bitterness. 

18. Do you ever feel nostalgic for our early days together?

Nostalgia can serve as a golden flashback to when everything seemed perfect. Understanding if your ex misses the early, more exciting, or innocent parts of the relationship can indicate whether their feelings still carry some emotional weight. 

19. Do you still hold any hope for us in your heart?

Direct and clear, this question seeks to understand if they are emotionally open to the possibility of getting back together or if they’ve completely closed that door. 

Related Reading: 21 Sure-Shot Signs Your Ex Is Becoming Interested Again

20. Can you recall a moment when you realized you still had feelings for me?

This question adds depth to understanding when their feelings for you started to resurface. It provides insight into whether emotions were fading but then reignited by something specific after the breakup. 

21. How do you feel when you come across our old messages or photos?

A lighthearted way to gauge if old memorabilia still impacts your ex. Emotional reactions to old messages or photos reveal whether they cherish the memories or have distanced themselves emotionally. 

22. What is one thing about me that you still cherish deeply?

This shows if there’s anything about you that still holds sentimental value, whether physical traits or personal qualities. It can give you insight into what they truly valued in you. 

23. Do you ever find yourself wishing things were different between us?

This question addresses whether they have regrets or wonder if there was another way the relationship could have turned out. It uncovers whether they’ve fully accepted the breakup or still hope for change. 

24. Have you ever felt a spark when encountering reminders of our time together?

Sparks can reignite old affection. This question investigates if reminders of you stir any type of attraction — physical or emotional. 

25. Is there a particular song or place that makes you long for us?

Emotional associations to songs or places are powerful triggers for longing. This question taps into the sensory nostalgia your ex might feel for the bond the two of you shared.

Questions to ask before getting back together with an ex

Before considering reconciliation, it is essential to evaluate whether both partners have reflected on past challenges and are prepared to create a healthier future. The following questions are designed to encourage honest dialogue about personal growth, expectations, and the steps needed to rebuild a strong foundation together.

1. If we got back together, how would you approach our relationship?

This question seeks to understand your ex’s vision for handling the relationship differently, focusing on strategies to avoid repeating past relationship mistakes.

2. Do you now have any different strategies to solve problems?

It probes whether your ex has developed new methods for addressing conflicts, reflecting personal growth and improved communication skills.

3. What specific changes have you made since our breakup?

This inquiry aims to determine if your ex has actively worked on self-improvement and addressed behaviors that contributed to the breakup.

4. What boundaries would you set to avoid past mistakes?

This question focuses on establishing clear limits and expectations that help prevent the repetition of previous harmful patterns.

5. Are you willing to seek professional help, such as counseling, to work through our issues?

It assesses your ex’s openness to external support and professional guidance, which can be crucial for addressing deep-seated problems.

6. How do you envision our relationship if we decide to reunite?

By asking this when getting back together with an ex, you invite them to describe a concrete, positive picture of what the renewed relationship could look like.

Related Reading: Anxiety After Breakup – Expert Recommends 8 Ways To Cope

7. What do you think is essential for rebuilding trust between us?

This inquiry seeks to uncover the specific actions or assurances your ex believes are necessary to restore trust over time.

8. How would you handle conflicts differently this time?

This question asks for concrete examples of alternative conflict resolution strategies based on lessons learned from past disagreements.

9. What role does forgiveness play in your willingness to reconcile?

It gauges your ex’s readiness to let go of past hurts and emphasizes the importance of forgiveness in rebuilding a positive relationship.

10. Are you committed to making the necessary compromises for our future?

This question tests whether your ex is prepared to adjust and collaborate, highlighting the importance of mutual effort in a renewed relationship.

11. What would you do to ensure open and honest communication between us?

It emphasizes the need for transparency and invites your ex to share specific strategies to maintain clear and effective dialogue.

12. How do you plan to balance your personal growth with our relationship needs?

This inquiry examines how your ex intends to integrate their individual development while also nurturing the partnership.

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13. What lessons from our past would you apply if we got back together?

It encourages reflection on previous challenges and asks your ex to identify key takeaways that could contribute to a healthier future.

14. How important is mutual effort in rebuilding our relationship?

This question highlights the need for equal commitment, inviting your ex to define what balanced, collaborative effort would entail.

15. Are you prepared to address unresolved issues before reuniting?

It stresses the importance of confronting lingering problems to ensure that both partners are ready to move forward without emotional baggage.

16. What assurances do you need to feel secure in getting back together?

This inquiry invites your ex to articulate the specific conditions or guarantees that would help them feel confident in restarting the relationship.

Related Reading: 9 Probable Reasons You Still Think About Your Ex

17. How do you plan to rebuild the emotional connection we once had?

This question explores the strategies your ex intends to use to rekindle intimacy and reestablish a strong emotional bond.

18. What steps would you take to ensure we both learn from our previous mistakes?

It encourages a proactive approach to personal and relational growth by asking for actionable measures to prevent recurrence of past issues.

19. Are you ready to commit to a fresh start without holding past grievances?

This question assesses your ex’s willingness to let go of previous conflicts and embrace a new beginning free of resentment.

20. How would you describe the ideal future for us if we were to reconcile?

It invites your ex to articulate a clear and positive vision for the future, helping both partners align their expectations and goals.

21. What changes do you expect from me if we decide to reunite?

This question opens a dialogue about realistic expectations, encouraging your ex to share any desired improvements or adjustments they hope to see.

Related Reading: Do Rebounds Make You Miss Your Ex More – Know It Here

22. How do you foresee managing external influences if we get back together?

It addresses the impact of factors such as friends, family, or work, asking your ex to consider how these influences might be navigated to protect the relationship.

23. What is your main motivation for considering a reconciliation?

This inquiry seeks to uncover the underlying reasons driving your ex’s interest in getting back together, clarifying whether it stems from genuine affection or other factors.

24. Do you believe we have both grown enough to sustain a renewed relationship?

It prompts an assessment of personal growth and readiness, asking whether both parties have evolved sufficiently to overcome previous challenges.

25. How will you ensure that our renewed relationship will be healthier than before?

This final question asks for actionable measures that will set the stage for a more balanced, respectful, and thriving relationship moving forward.

What To Avoid When Speaking To Your Ex

It’s definitely going to be awkward when you talk to your ex for the first time after a breakup. The no-contact rule made you completely cut ties with them. Whatever little you know about them is through social media and mutual friends. However, there are certain things to avoid when you are speaking to your ex. 

• Don’t get jealous if they mention they are dating someone else
• Don’t blame them for everything that went wrong in your relationship
• Don’t tell them you’re still in love with them unless you are sure about their feelings
• Don’t bitch about the person they are currently dating 

Final Thoughts

These were the 100 questions to ask your ex. They are great to gain closure and will help you move on from the relationship. And if you want to get back together with an ex, these questions will work perfectly for that purpose as well. 

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