Breakups can be painful. Whether it was just a whirlwind romance or a long-term relationship, it affects people the same way. Even the most amicable and mutual separations can hurt and evoke a lot of resentment. You have so many questions to ask your ex after a long time and you don’t know how and where to begin.
According to a study, only after a romantic relationship dissolves, we are able to identify the red flags. We then blame ourselves for not seeing these signs earlier because they seem so obvious now. It’s true, we gain more clarity on our relationships only after they end. So naturally, whether it was a healthy dynamic or not, a breakup leaves us with a lot of questions.
55 Questions Everyone Wishes They Could Ask Their Ex
We have made the concept of ‘forever’ a romance goal. The idea of happily-ever-afters and fairy-tale endings are so deeply rooted in the movies we watch to the fictional characters that we adore. In reality, relationships come with an expiry date. People part ways for various reasons. And what follows after a breakup? Questions. Too many of them. Here are some of the open-ended questions to ask your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend after a breakup. We also have some closure questions that will help you move on and heal from the breakup.
Questions To Ask Your Ex After Breakup
You’ve been thinking about your ex a lot and your mind is filled with loose ends and longings. Now is the right time to ask these questions and find out what your ex actually thinks about you.
1. Do you miss me?
This is one of the no-brainer questions to ask your ex to start a conversation. There are many reasons you miss your ex. The two of you have spent so much time together that it’s obvious a question like this pops up. You miss them, and you just want to hear from them that they miss you too.
2. Did you truly love me?
Our perspective gets a little distorted when we are dealing with a breakup. We don’t know if they ever loved us and if everything was just one big act. Now that the two of you aren’t together, you may want to ask your ex to tell you honestly if they ever loved you or not.
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3. What attracted you to me?
This is one of the questions to ask after a breakup period when you’ve both formed a friendship. There are many qualities in men that attract women and vice-versa. Was it your confidence, your altruistic nature, or any of your physical features that attracted your ex? You may even want this information for when you’re ready to date other people.
4. What’s the one thing you couldn’t stand about me?
This is one of the things you should ask your ex if you are meeting them for the first time after the breakup, like maybe after a year or even two of recovery. This question will keep things light and won’t create any unnecessary tension between the two of you. Everyone has good and bad traits. We’re all humans after all. It’s been a while since the breakup and you’ve been wondering – what quality of mine annoyed my ex? Was it my bossy nature or did they hate that I didn’t give them enough time? Whatever their answer is, don’t let it bother you.
5. Did you ever cheat on me?
This is what you should ask your ex if they ever did anything to arouse suspicion and you never had the courage to confront them. They might have hooked up with someone without your knowledge. Now is the time to come clean about it. You are dying to ask them if they cheated on you. That way, you too can confess if you had betrayed them.
6. What was lacking in our relationship?
This is one of the most important and deep questions to ask your ex-girlfriend or boyfriend. Was the chemistry off or was it bad timing? Was our sex life good or could it have been better? Was there lack of communication? Find out what was lacking in your past relationship so that you can try and enhance your future one.
7. Has the breakup changed you?
If you are wondering, “What to ask my ex after moving on and being in a happy relationship?”, then you can start from this. Breakups can change a person for better or for worse. Have they become a better listener or have they found ways to handle arguments in a healthy way? These are some things to find out about your former partner, especially if you’re both on good terms now.
8. Were you happy in the relationship?
Just because they were in a relationship with you, doesn’t necessarily mean they were happy. If they were unhappy, and you had no idea, it gives you an insight into them as well as yourself as a partner. We all want the answer to this question to be yes, as we all want to be thought of as good partners.
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9. Were we compatible with each other?
This is another question to ask your ex to gather more insight into your past relationship. There are mainly five types of compatibility: physical, emotional, intellectual, spiritual, and physical. If even one of these is incompatible between two people, it can create problems in the relationship. If they say the two of you weren’t compatible, then you can ask them: What would they have done differently to increase the level of compatibility?
10. What, according to you, were our strengths and weaknesses?
Every relationship has its strengths and weaknesses. Maybe the two of you were good at handling conflicts but your insecurities got in the way, or your partner’s jealous nature was creating a lot of problems.
11. Do you remember our first date?
A little trip down memory lane to invoke nostalgia and one of the easiest questions to ask your ex to start a conversation. You are thinking about your first date with them and naturally want to ask them this, to see if they remember how well it went or how awkward it was.
12. At what exact moment did you fall for me?
This is such a cute question to ask an ex. It doesn’t matter if the breakup was sour. It’s still a heartwarming memory to recall and share. Was it the time when you first kissed them or was it when they fell sick and you went over with homemade soup?
13. Have you trash-talked about me with your friends?
Even though it’s not a good thing to trash-talk an ex, many people still badmouth their ex after a breakup. This is one of the funny questions to ask your ex if you’re both friends now. You too can share with them if you’ve dissed them with your gang.
14. How long did it take you to move on?
A year, three months, or just a month? Some people move on quickly, whereas some take more than a year to completely heal and move on from a person. Find out for how long the past problems held him back.
15. How often or rarely do you think about me?
The strangest things can remind you of them more often than you would like. You see a t-shirt they left behind and you reminisce about the good times you had. You’re watching a TV show and remember how you argued about the main character’s death. This is one of the random questions to ask your ex after a breakup.
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16. Is your new partner a better lover than me?
You need to be prepared before you ask this question because there’s a 50% chance the answer can hurt you. If they say yes, then don’t make a big deal out of it. If they say no, then great.
17. Do your friends hate me?
This is one of the funny questions to ask your ex after the breakup. It’s normal for people to hate their friends’ exes. But did they hate you when the two of you were together? Did they have anything to do with the breakup? This is one of the questions to ask your ex to find out the exact reason behind their dislike toward you.
18. How was our sex life?
Average, good, could have been better, or were you the best they ever had? You can ask your ex what they loved about the intimate times you shared together.
19. Did I help you grow as a person?
Growth is one of the fundamentals of support in a relationship. It can be of any kind – emotional, intellectual, and financial. A good partner will help you grow in all aspects of life. Find out if you helped them grow as a person.
20. Do you remember why we broke up?
There are three sides to every story. Their side, your side, and the truth. You can ask this thought-provoking question and find out how they remember your breakup and what according to them was the actual reason behind the two of you parting ways.
21. Do you think we could ever be amicable with each other?
If the breakup ended on a bad note, then this is one of the questions to ask your ex. Can the two of you be in the same room without any hostility and antagonism? Ask them if you can be friends, if that’s what you want.
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22. Do you think you treated me well?
Most of the times, we don’t realize how we are being treated when we are in a relationship. We are so blind in love that our rationality blurs. If you now realize that they didn’t treat you with the respect and love you deserved, you may be itching to ask them this question.
Questions To Ask Your Ex For Closure
Closure questions are the hardest. You don’t know how to move on without closure and that’s why you need so many answers. Here are some questions to ask your ex-girlfriend for closure, or your ex-boyfriend to finally close that chapter.
23. Was there a specific moment when you fell out of love with me?
The answer may be painful to process but when one or both people had fallen out of love – and that’s what led to the breakup – your mind is filled with questions like these. This is one of the questions to ask your ex after a long time if you want to know the exact reason behind the breakup.
24. Was I a good partner to you?
The eternal question. Everyone wonders this after a breakup. Also, it’s a practical question to ask your ex when you want to know your patterns before starting a new relationship with someone else.
25. Did your friends have anything to do with our breakup?
Not every single friend you make in your life has good intentions. Some are snakes who will try to bring you down. Asking such a question will help you understand if your ex’s friends had anything to do with the breakup. You might just find relief that it wasn’t you – it was them who played a hand in the split.
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26. What was I like as a partner?
Controlling, possessive, indifferent, loving, responsible, or the ‘cool’ type? This is one of the closure questions to ask your boyfriend/girlfriend because it will help you understand yourself better as a partner. If you want to stay connected with them, then this will also help you understand what bothered them about you and what they liked in you.
27. Were there chances of our relationship surviving?
Were there any chances of saving the relationship if you could have paid more attention, if they could have compromised a little more, or if the two of you could have tackled conflicts better? Because these are some of the characteristics of a healthy relationship.
28. Why do you think our relationship didn’t work out?
This is a complicated question that will possibly open a can of worms. The blame game may take place. One of you may not take accountability for your mistakes. Before you ask this question for closure, make sure you are strong enough to deal with their answers. Ask them something like, “Would you have done anything differently back then to make the relationship work?” Because many people regret things only after the breakup, as they lament over the loss of the relationship.
29. How did you deal with our breakup?
Slept around a lot, cried in your room, or trash-talked your way out of the breakup? Every person deals with breakups differently. I went on a lot of dates to move on from my ex. I bet you want to know what they did to cope and how their breakup healing process was like.
30. Did our relationship teach you anything?
Every relationship will teach you something or the other. Some teach you how to be kind, some teach you how to be more respectful, and some give you the most valuable life lessons.
31. Do you remember me fondly or with contempt?
This is one of the complicated questions to ask your ex-partner. You might wish to ask them if the memory of you puts a smile on their face or if they associate you with negative memories.
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32. Are you in a rebound relationship?
People get into rebound relationships shortly after a breakup before the feelings of the former relationship have been resolved. If they say yes, then you can confirm that they haven’t gotten over you yet. A study has found that men were more likely to enter rebound relationships in the aftermath of a relational termination due to lower levels of social support and more emotional attachment to an ex-partner. If you have plans to stay connected with them right after the separation, then your ex-partner being in a rebound relationship could affect that decision.
33. Did you sleep with others to get over me?
You might have heard from your friends that the best way to get over someone is by sleeping with someone else. This question comes out of sheer curiosity and is often what people want to ask their ex, even at the cost of poking their nose into their ex’s sex life.
34. Is there anything you would like to ask me?
There may be questions your ex wants to ask you as well. They may want to know how you are doing or if you are seeing somebody. We love to believe that after a breakup, our ex wants to talk to us too.
35. If there’s one memory you could erase of me, what would it be?
It could be the time you acted out of jealousy and did something stupid or it could be the time you stonewalled your partner because you were mad at them. Sometimes we don’t fully comprehend what we do when our emotions are riding high. Now that you’ve calmed down and a lot of time has passed, you want to understand everything that went down in a sound manner.
36. Have you accepted our breakup or is there still some part of you that hasn’t processed it?
It takes time to fully come to terms with the fact that a person you loved isn’t a part of your life anymore. Most people would want to ask their ex if they are still trying to process the breakup or if they moved on long ago.
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37. What was the deal-breaker for you?
This is one of the questions to ask your ex if you want to learn about their deal-breaker. Disrespect, lack of communication, suspiciousness, possessiveness, or maybe even some relationship pet peeves? Find out what made them think they’d had enough of the relationship.
38. Who do you think was more involved in the relationship?
Their answer to this would help you look at the relationship in a new light. If they say they were more involved than you, then you will probably understand their decision to separate, even if you disagree with them. But if they say you were the more involved one, then you can be relieved that the breakup was a good decision after all. Find out their perspective on this. This will give you another reason to move on.
39. Do you think a few more compromises could have saved the relationship?
No relationship can survive without compromises. However, there are some things you should never compromise on in a relationship. You might wish to ask your ex if they think they did all they could for the sake of the relationship, especially when you feel that they didn’t. Take a closer look at your past problems because they can help you be better in your future relationships.
40. Is there anything you want to confess?
They can confess to cheating, feeling trapped in the relationship, or even tell you that they fell out of love long before they decided to break up with you. Be ready. They could also tell you that they are still in love with you. If you are on the same page as them, then you can give this relationship another chance.
Questions To Ask Your Ex If You Want Them Back
Do you want your ex back? Asking them these questions might just help with that.
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41. Do you think about me when you’re having sex?
A saucy question to find out if your ex thinks about you when they’re having sex with someone else. You can also ask them if they think about you while they are touching themselves.
42. Do you still stalk me on social media?
So many people like stalking their exes on social media. But when we meet them, we pretend as if we don’t know what’s happening in their lives. This is one of the funny questions to ask your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend to find out if they’ve been stalking you on Instagram.
43. What’s your favorite memory of us?
Like the famous Maroon 5 song, memories do bring back people. If not physically, then at least metaphorically. This is one of the questions to ask your ex if you want them back. They will have to go through all the great memories the two of you shared and pick one from them. That’s going to be sentimental. Memories even have the power of fighting past problems that occurred in the relationship. This is one of the deep questions to ask your ex if you want them back.
44. Have you kept any of my gifts?
Find out if they’ve kept all your gifts or just the ones that are valuable in terms of money and significance. A few questions like these will let you know what value your gifts hold in their life.
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45. What’s your favorite intimate memory of us?
When the two of you got cozy in a movie theater while watching a romantic movie or when the two of you stayed up all night playing board games and getting intimate afterward. This is one of the sure-shot questions to ask your ex that will make them rethink the breakup.
46. Do you ever think about getting back together?
How to win your ex back? With a straight question like this, and the answer would have to be equally straight. Yes. No. Maybe. If their answer isn’t what you were expecting, then don’t be glum about it. They’re not the only fish in the sea. And if they say yes, then ask what you both can do differently to save the relationship this time.
47. Do you compare your current partner with me?
Comparisons are unhealthy. But deep down, when you haven’t moved on from a relationship and immediately got into a rebound situation, you always end up comparing them to your ex because of unresolved feelings. If they say yes, then you’ll know they still have feelings for you. Ask them what they do differently in their current relationship that’s making it work for them.
48. What’s the one thing lacking in your current relationship?
Are their feelings just superficial? Are they in it just for sex? Are their love languages not blending properly? You’d want to dig for answers if you want them back.
49. Did you ever see a future with me?
This is a really deep question that will also provide you closure. If they never saw or hoped for a future with you, then you can move on realizing you never had a chance in the first place.
50. Do you wish we were still together?
The answer to this question might surprise you. If they say yes, it means they miss what you two had and want to get back together.
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51. If we got back together, how would you approach our relationship?
Would they try to communicate more effectively or they’d learn to control their anger when the two of you are having a fight? Find out what they would do differently if you decide to give the relationship one more chance.
52. Do you now have any different strategies to solve problems?
If conflict resolution in a relationship was your sore point, then you’d want to ask them this question. See if they would do anything differently this time when the relationship gets rocky.
53. Do I still make your heart skip a beat?
When you are in love with someone, anything they do makes you feel warm and loved. If your ex says yes, then you will know they still aren’t over you. They want to get back together with you as much as you do.
54. Do you imagine what our life would have been like if we were married?
Would the two of you have moved to a different city? Would they quit their job and finally pursue their dreams? Life changes after you get married. This is one of the questions to ask your ex if you want to know how they felt about you when the two of you were together. Find out if they ever imagined being married to you and what it would have looked like.
55. Are you still in love with me?
If they wish things were different, if they still have the gifts you gave them, and if they keep going back to the memories you two shared, then these are the signs your ex is waiting for you and still in love with you. Asking this question will give you a concrete answer and you can proceed however you like.
What To Avoid When Speaking To Your Ex
It’s definitely going to be awkward when you talk to your ex for the first time after a breakup. The no-contact rule made you completely cut ties with them. Whatever little you know about them is through social media and mutual friends. However, there are certain things to avoid when you are speaking to your ex.
- Don’t get jealous if they mention they are dating someone else
- Don’t blame them for everything that went wrong in your relationship
- Don’t tell them you’re still in love with them unless you are sure about their feelings
- Don’t bitch about the person they are currently dating
- If you want your ex back, then asking them nostalgic questions will make them think about you
- One of the questions to ask your ex for closure is finding out if they are in a rebound relationship
- If you want your ex back, tell them honestly how you feel about them
These questions are great for closure and they will help you move on from the relationship. But if you want to get back together with an ex, these questions will work perfectly for that purpose as well.
This article has been updated in March 2023.
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