• Affair & Cheating
    • Emotional Stress
    • Extra Marital Affairs
    • Infidelity
    • Office Affairs
  • Breakups & Scars
    • Break up & Loss
    • Divorced
    • Suffering & Healing
  • Single & Dating
    • Dating experience
    • Friendship
    • Love & Romance
    • One -Sided Love
    • Online Dating
    • Single Life
  • Married Life
    • Arranged Marriage
    • In-Laws
    • Loveless Marriage
    • Married Romance
    • New-Age Couples
    • Pregnancy and Kids
    • Second Marriage
    • Working On the Marriage
  • Hindi
    • In Hindi
    • Hindi Quotes
  • Relationship Experts
    • Relationship Counselling
    • Expert Speak
    • Live Chat with Experts
    • My Questions and Answers
    • Counsellors
  • Sex and Passion
    • Great Sex
    • Sexless Marriage
    • Spice It Up
  • Fun & Masti
    • Humour
    • Illustrations
    • Quiz
    • Quotes
    • Readers’ Corner
    • Relationship Memes
  • Trending
    • Trending Topics
    • Zodiac
    • Celeb Corner
  • Videos
    • Bollywood Special
    • For Singles
    • Handy tips
    • Relationship Videos
    • Romance
    • Relationship Advice
    • Sex and Passion
    • True Stories
  • More
    • Happy To Help
    • LGBTQ
    • Live-in & Open
    • User Blogs
    • Spirituality & Mythology
    • Women’s Issue
  • Confessions
    • Read Confessions
    • Confess Now
Bonobology.com
Bonobology.com
  • Affair & Cheating
    • Emotional Stress
    • Extra Marital Affairs
    • Infidelity
    • Office Affairs
  • Breakups & Scars
    • Break up & Loss
    • Divorced
    • Suffering & Healing
  • Single & Dating
    • Dating experience
    • Friendship
    • Love & Romance
    • One -Sided Love
    • Online Dating
    • Single Life
  • Married Life
    • Arranged Marriage
    • In-Laws
    • Loveless Marriage
    • Married Romance
    • New-Age Couples
    • Pregnancy and Kids
    • Second Marriage
    • Working On the Marriage
  • Hindi
    • In Hindi
    • Hindi Quotes
  • Relationship Experts
    • Relationship Counselling
    • Expert Speak
    • Live Chat with Experts
    • My Questions and Answers
    • Counsellors
  • Sex and Passion
    • Great Sex
    • Sexless Marriage
    • Spice It Up
  • Fun & Masti
    • Humour
    • Illustrations
    • Quiz
    • Quotes
    • Readers’ Corner
    • Relationship Memes
  • Trending
    • Trending Topics
    • Zodiac
    • Celeb Corner
  • Videos
    • Bollywood Special
    • For Singles
    • Handy tips
    • Relationship Videos
    • Romance
    • Relationship Advice
    • Sex and Passion
    • True Stories
  • More
    • Happy To Help
    • LGBTQ
    • Live-in & Open
    • User Blogs
    • Spirituality & Mythology
    • Women’s Issue
  • Confessions
    • Read Confessions
    • Confess Now
Arranged Marriage

When You Find “The One” You Just Know It In Your Heart

Vaishali Chandorkar-Chitale March 28, 2021
Vaishali Chandorkar-Chitale March 28, 2021

Table of Contents

  • You Are The One For Me
    • When you find the one you see a future together
    • Signs she is the one
    • That magic X factor
    • I knew she is the one
  • FAQs

Disclaimer: The year is 1984, when arranged marriages were not considered lame but a done thing! Finding love after marriage was the name of the game.

“Dong-dong, ding-dong …. the bells will chime in your heart”, I remember telling my brother-in-law, when he asked me, “When you find the one how do you know you are made for each other?”

“Is that what happened with you?” he asked me. This small innocuous question took me back to the time when I had first laid eyes on my wife-to-be, his sister.

right partner

You Are The One For Me

You Are The One For Me this Backstreet Boys number can sum up your feeling when you know you have found the one for you.

When I saw her I know I had by then done the mandatory rounds of “seeing” the girls, found to be “appropriate” by my parents and nothing had done the trick. The interminable evenings were as boring as watching paint dry.

To hear my mother say it, you would feel that I had committed the biggest crime ever, rather than just saying “no” to a girl who did not make the Earth tilt for me or make me weak-kneed just by looking at her. I went through all the questions from the ladies too, but still I didn’t feel drawn to a single one.

Related Reading: How Long Does it Take to Fall In Love in an Arranged Marriage?

How does one explain to a parent the all-important aspect of liking a girl? You know – she’s the one – when the bells start ringing, when the world appears brighter, when you have a goofy smile plastered on your face, even while doing skull-numbing number crunching work in the office!

How to do you know you found the one? When you find the one, like in the movies you do feel the breeze playing with her hair. She looks at you and looks away as if showing that she knows the signs he’s the one! Gosh what a feeling.

found the one
You know you found the one when there is instant chemistry

The X-factor that I was looking for (trying to explain it is as difficult as nailing jelly to a tree) was just not there. What is this elusive “X” factor? I guess it’s different strokes for different folks.

When you find the one you see a future together

For me, on closing my eyes, if I could visualise both of us, sitting in compatible silence 30 years hence, occasionally holding hands and smiling at each other in complete understanding …. THAT was it! For me, she had to press all the right buttons for it to work.

And I was ready to wait a lifetime to find my soul mate, notwithstanding my parents’ pressure to marry. They, in their wisdom, thought that life was passing me by and soon no “eligible” girls would be left for me, as all the good ones would have been snapped up by more sensible “boys”.

Undeterred, I turned a blind eye to their cajoling looks every time I went home. People said you fall in love afterwards in an arranged marriage. But if the initial attraction and liking is not there, how can a person fall in love?

Life has a way of jolting you out of your stupor when you least expect it. Here I was cruising through life as happy as a dog with two tails, ignoring my parents’ beseeching looks when they asked me to “see” yet another girl as a favour to them.

They could not refuse the persons who had brought the proposal. …and so here we trooped again, en masse as a family for yet another “tea-and-poha” session and a hopeful look in my parents’ eyes.

They were hoping I would find the one finally but I was not sure at all. I was dreading putting another girl in a fix. Terrible!

Related Reading: 8 Arranged Marriage Facts That You Didn’t Know About

Signs she is the one

I still remember my faintly bored stance and the “oh-no-not-again” look on my face, receiving the first hard kick in my abdomen on seeing the “girl” for the first time, and I jack-knifed to sit up straight and look presentable.

An amused smile on my mother’s face told me that she had noted my reaction and was looking forward to the evening! Even before I looked at her a second time, I knew I have found the one.

find the one you wanted
She took his breath away

Whoosh! went my heart, and suddenly, I found myself wanting to make the right “impression”. I started worrying if my hair was in place, if my shirt was crinkled or if I had forgotten to apply deo.

Sitting all by ourselves in a separate corner, I was enthralled by her talk (which my dazed senses didn’t register) and the hours just flew by.

Before I knew it, it was 9.30 at night and a gentle nudge from my mother made me aware that the family was waiting politely for both of us to join everyone, so that we could make an exit.

I never believed in love at first sight but did that just happen to me?

That magic X factor

What was it about her that had me so sure that she was THE one for me? Yes, she was (and still is) attractive, bright and intelligent, but it was her joie-de-vivre as opposed to my reticent nature, her bubbly self and vivaciousness, her charm and confidence that was not deterred by my imposing silences that had my heart beating faster than a greyhound in a race.

My reserved stodginess was offset by her effervescence, her light-hearted take on life was exactly what I was looking for! She even went ahead and complimented my smile. Wow!

To put it simply, she made me laugh. She wanted to fly and soar over the ordinary and I knew I would love to be the wind under her wings, both to help her spread her wings and also to keep her moored with me.

On Dating Tips

I knew she is the one

How to know she is one? This is a question many people ask me when they are in an arranged marriage setting. Well! I would say you know you have found the one when you immediately want to meet her a second time.

So enthralled was I by her, that I pestered my mother – quite unlike me – to give them an affirmative answer as soon as we could.

Related Reading: Aruna’s Views On Her Arranged Marriage And To Making It Work

When they dithered and wanted some more time, I made a beeline the very next day to their place, as nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs, to assuage any doubts they had about my career, prospects and our life together.

Well, as we are still together after almost 35 years, suffice it to say that my charm and conviction worked on her and her family and today, my dream of spending the rest of my life with my soul mate in happy ramblings and relaxed evenings is as much a reality as sunrise.

And, by the way, the bells are still chiming!

How to know you have found the one? Dear brother-in-law have you got the right answer to your question now?

(As told to Vaishali Chandorkar-Chitale)

FAQs

1. How long does it take to know if you found the one?

If there is instant chemistry you know immediately you have found the one. You feel your heart starts beating faster, you feel totally drawn to them and you start thinking of a future together.

2. How do you know when you find your soulmate?

The soulmate connection is of a different kind. Not every relationship can turn into a soulmate relationship because it is of not the usual love connection. You know you have found your soulmate when there is a deep emotional connection and the love you feel for them is intense and sincere.

8 Famous Arranged Marriage Stories

12 Ways To Build Intellectual Intimacy In A Relationship

Sexual Compatibility – Meaning, Importance And Signs

Arranged Marriagecouple dynamicsCouple Goals

3 comments

Manjari Thakur June 10, 2018 - 9:44 pm

What struck me the most in the article is “what it is going to be like in 30 years from now” . I mean, when it’s the right person, the future doesn’t scare you like a giant UFO circling over your head. You can see a life together. You feel like growing old together. And I guess, that’s the best part of it. When you know that “my story” and “your story” is now gonna be “our story “.

Log in to Reply
Radha Patel June 10, 2018 - 7:01 pm

In this era of impatient rush and misunderstandings, reading something like this makes me feel like believing in love all over again. I am having a hard time putting into words all the emotions running inside my heart right now.

Log in to Reply
Ashutosh Singh May 30, 2018 - 11:16 pm

I got through many articles like this on internet, but this one is seriously one that you can put into practical. The point that how it will be after 30 years is seriously thought provoking. Now, I know that I have found her. This has really made me certain that yes I have found her. Feeling blessed to read this.

Log in to Reply

Leave a Comment Cancel Reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Categories

  • Affair and Cheating
    • Emotional Stress
    • Extra Marital Affairs
    • Infidelity
    • Office Affairs
  • Breakups and Scars
    • Break up And Loss
    • Divorced
    • Suffering and Healing
  • Fun and Masti
    • Humour
    • Illustrations
    • Quiz
    • Quotes
    • Readers' Corner
  • Gift Idea
  • Hindi
    • Hindi Quotes
    • In Hindi
  • Married Life
    • Arranged Marriage
    • In-Laws
    • Loveless Marriage
    • Married Romance
    • New-Age Couples
    • Pregnancy and Kids
    • Second Marriage
    • Working On the Marriage
  • More
    • Happy To Help
    • LGBTQ
    • Live-in and Open
    • Spirituality and Mythology
    • User Blogs
    • Women's Issue
  • Relationship Experts
    • Expert Speak
    • Live Chat with Experts
    • My Questions and Answers
  • Sex and Passion
    • Great Sex
    • Sexless Marriage
    • Spice It Up
  • Single and Dating
    • Dating experience
    • Friendship
    • Love and Romance
    • One -Sided Love
    • Online Dating
    • Single Life
  • Trending
    • Celeb Corner
    • Trending Topics
    • Zodiac
  • Videos
    • Bollywood Special
    • For Singles
    • Handy tips
    • Relationship Advice
    • Romance
    • Sex And Passion
    • True Stories
  • About Us
  • Advertise With Us
  • Contact Us
  • Submit Your Story

ABOUT US

Bonobology.com is the couple-relationship destination for couples everywhere! Couple relationships…the pains and pleasures, the anxieties and comforts, the craziness and calm. The inevitable distance between two people in love, the restless neediness of love. Follow us at:

Facebook Twitter Instagram Pinterest Linkedin

PARTNER WITH US

Email : [email protected]
PARTNER WITH US

Our Policies

  • Cookies Policy
  • Privacy Policy
  • Terms and Conditions
  • Advertise With Us
  • Content Posting Rules
  • Submit Your Story
  • About Us
  • Contact Us

@2021 - All Right Reserved. Developed and Maintained by Creative Brains