Sex life after the 40s is a hush-hush affair for most Indian couples. Many of them still think that their sex life is potentially over after crossing this milestone. But it certainly is not. Ever heard the phrase, ‘naughty at forty’? It has been coined for a reason!
Married sex in your 40s (and even unmarried sex) can be great and is not something to be frowned upon. If couples take their age in the right stride, it can bring out the best of your sexual intimacy, quality of life, and companionship. Before we explore the hidden dynamics of sex in the 40s, let us first analyse how different it is from sex in your 30s and 20s.
Great sex is possible when you are over 40 and that is what we are going to talk about.
Some people have this idea that married sex in their 40s can get really sad and boring. This is far from the truth! As long as you can keep the spark alive and try new sex positions for the mature couple, your sex frequency after 40 can remain great!
How Is Sex In The 40s Different From Sex In Your 30s And 20s?
Couples in the 40s age-group carry lots of experience and stability as compared to their younger counterparts while enjoying sex. Youngsters are often just figuring out their sexual drive, what they like, dislike and most of all, they’re just hoping they’re doing the whole sex-thing right!
Related Reading: Top reasons why all women, whether married or not, must masturbate
Whereas, more mature couples are seasoned and know exactly what they want and also tend to know their partners inside out. They are quite confident in their skin, have seasoned perspectives, and chemistry. Similarly, there are many other reasons that make sex in the 40s different from your 20s or 30s, which we will explore in this section.
1. Sex in your 40s may lack carefree spontaneity: Younger couples approach sex with a carefree attitude and much spontaneity. When single, they love the chase and while in a relationship, they are often so infatuated that being with their partner is enough to have an amazing sexual adventure.
But this is not the case with married sex in your 40s. Individuals in their 40s refrain from spontaneous sexual encounters with their partners, owing to household responsibilities, and presence of children/elders, etc. Therefore, sex in your 40s can often be a planned activity.
But fret not, the 40s also bring with them a lot of awesome sex! Planning your sexual encounters can actually have a lot of benefits and a lot less hindrances.
A couple who set intimate dates once or twice every week told us how it can do wonders for your sex frequency in your 40s!
2. Older couples enjoy openness in communication: The newbie couples in their 20s are sexually unsure of themselves and their sexual desires. They are still in the process of exploring each other and striking sexual compatibility. So, they might not be able to express themselves openly.
However, a couple in their 40s displays chemistry, understanding, and openness in communication like never before. Like partners cum friends, they enjoy quality sex in a liberating way
3. Readiness to experiment: Since a 40s couple is more open in communicating, they feel less awkward while expressing their sexual desires and fantasies with each other. This is why it is fairly easy for them to experiment with new positions and fantasies. Whereas their younger counterparts struggle to do the same due to their limited experience. They often hesitate in sharing their desires and experimenting with their partners.
So, here, age and compatibility enable a couple to encourage each other’s fantasies and enhance their sexual experience to make sex more enjoyable in your 40s.
Related Reading: 5 yoga positions that can boost your sex life
4. Comfort in your own skin: Young individuals are always more conscious about their looks before getting intimate with their partners. But the advantage of having sex in your 40s is that an older couple is comfortable in their own skin. They are not insecure about body flab or weight while having sex.
Such individuals have embraced their body structure and are comfortable in their own skin, which is the key to confidence in bed. This is how you actually know how to have great sex in your 40s.
5. Couples in their 40s are confident: The 20s are all about figuring your own self out in terms of sexual intimacy. “Is this turning my partner on?” or, “How do I respond to lovemaking” or, “Is my partner comfortable with me doing this?” are only some of the questions that constantly flood their mind during sex.
But, a sexually active 40s couple would have cracked the code long ago! Married sex in your 40s can be great as they know what works for them in bed and how to orgasm, thanks to the time spent together. They just give in to their partners completely and enjoy being in the moment completely during sex. That’s why married sex is most enjoyable at this age
Related Reading: Things about the female orgasm that you didn’t know
6. Improved endurance levels: In their 20s, a couple, can be quite ‘new’ to sex. It might take time to figure out a woman’s orgasm, or a man’s guide to last longer in bed.
Couples have often told us about awkward sexual encounters with their partners which is pretty much part and parcel of figuring each other out sexually.
However, as an experienced couple in their 40s, a woman knows what a 45-year-old man wants in bed and a 45-year-old man sure knows how to make his woman reach nirvana! it is fairly easy for both men and women to find more pleasure in sex than ever. Instead of finding it a chore, such couples usually slow down and enjoy the experience in a more connected way.
7. Adapting to body changes: Contrary to popular belief, a couple in the 40s can go through a lot of body changes. Your physical stamina might be dipping, but that doesn’t mean you have to hold back on sex. A little bit of effort can make sex a much-needed antidote for the ‘fit you’.
There are lots of health benefits of sex for middle-aged men and women, including heart health, stronger immunity, and regulated hormone levels, etc. All these reasons make sex in the 40s a brilliant experience!
8. Taking care of your health – The most important phenomenon: As you get older, you may see some medical issues cropping up. Medical fitness is a huge must to enjoy a sex life in your 40s and beyond. This is the time when you should get serious about your health and take it upon yourself to get fit. Get into a good routine with exercise, balanced diet and good sleep and this will guarantee you an improved sex life.
However, it is unwise to consider yourself old before you actually are.
Forty is the new twenty! Because of the increased focus on health and fitness these days, some forty-year-olds are actually in their prime, physically! Age should not be your only reason to want to get fit
Related reading: How to spice up your sex life
Women’s sex drive in their 40s
If you think ageing and health challenges reduce the sex drive among women, then you are wrong. Contrary to common belief, women’s sex drive in their 40s increases and they undoubtedly enjoy the best sex of their lives! Millions of women experience a sense of liberation towards themselves and their partner in this phase. Angela, 43 tells us:
“I care less about fertility, think more about sex and am more vocal about my sexual needs and fantasies. I never thought sex in my 40s could be so good!”
Many 40s women feel exhilarated and confident in their personal sexuality. But if they are suffering from some health issues like perimenopause, depression or anxiety, then this might affect their sexual drive. They might suffer from pains or disinterest in sex. Proper medical diagnosis and treatment can avoid such discomfort.
Men’s sex drive in their 40s
Like women, men in the 40s, too, experience a shift in their sexual drive. Owing to health changes, lower stamina, and mounting stress, some men may take a bit longer to be ready for sexual activity. It may take a while for them to get turned on and indulge in sexual activity. But this is not a disadvantage from a female’s point of view. Instead, this could be a potential advantage for a couple in the 40s, as they can experience intimacy and foreplay in sync with each other.
To reconnect with their spouses, men in their 40s must take charge of their health. Regular fitness should be a part of the routine for such men. A mix of proper sleep and a healthy diet could also do wonders for men’s health. On the emotional level, spending relaxing time with the spouse can reconnect you both on an intimate level.
Related reading: 7 things no one tells you about married sex
Sex frequency after 40
Your sex frequency after 40 depends entirely on you. Don’t let anyone tell you how to live your life when it comes to sex in your 40s. According to new research and The Daily Mail, women’s sex drive in their 40s can actually increase for some women!
Needless to say, your sex frequency in your 40s is what you make it. This is a time when your kids are grown up and independent and you have your career and life figured out which gives you all the more opportunity to have carefree sex.
You can increase your sex frequency after 40 by setting “intimacy dates” with your partner as many times a week as you prefer. Decide the place and make it romantic! These lovemaking dates go a long way in increasing your sex frequency and become an experience that both partners can look forward to.
Don’t be afraid to try new positions, role-play or even exciting foreplay on your intimacy dates.
Positions that should be tried during your 40s
The 40s is the first time you might start experiencing aches and pains while indulging in sex. Don’t let that hinder your sexual intimacy. So, How to have great sex over 40? Here’s how:
Start with lots of cuddles or spooning position during lovemaking. This snuggling can help you bond on an emotional level. Devote more time for increased foreplay to enjoy heightened levels of intimacy. Use edible ingredients to spice up the missionary position. Or lie facing each other and begin sexual penetration at the comfort of both the partners.
Or, you may discuss with your partner to experiment with new sexual positions based on consent.
Did you know? Regular sex increases sexual desire and understanding among couples. This is one potent reason why couples in their 40s should not let societal, family and health challenges come in the way of sexual intimacy. Set aside one or two days for ‘we time’, and use this to rekindle the lost sexual spark between you.
Related Reading: Confessions Of 6 Women Who Tried BDSM
Give each other quality time, like a date, dinner or a long drive and let that lead into passionate lovemaking. Make it a regular routine and witness how it transforms your emotional, physical and mental well-being. Couples in their 40s can enjoy mind-blowing sex. This is key to intimate, long withstanding and lasting couple relationships. Agree with us? Then feel free to share your views with us!